Best Deuce Ever

I'm not referring to last Wednesday's taco night, but rather the only non-Canuck to win the Con Smythe trophy. It's possible some Europeans have actually won it since 1994, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Brian Leetch was the first one to break the French-biased color barrier south of the Northern border, and now my post and heart go out to him.

Sitting out a season was an indicator, but he has finally retired and will forever be a savior for the Broadway Blue Shirts. When dumbass Dolan traded him 3 years ago I remember being most upset, but now I'm glad that there is a conclusion to this matter despite the fact that the Rangers didn't bring him back when they could have.

The fact that The Chief wore a Leetch Jersey says it all, and he will forever be missed from the ice of MSG.

Take me to the VR

Despite my half hearted attempts at visually stunning you all, I have not yet become that guy who busts out his camera phone at a concert in order to snap a really cool shot of the really cool dudes on stage. Come to think of it, "that guy" now consists of 60% of the audience, but I guess I'm still a naysayer.

Regardless, I witnessed Velvet Revolver sans hard 90's drugs last night at the Nokia Theater, and they definitely kicked some ass. Scott Wylan looks like he's got way too many tattoos and track marks and is way too pale, but he's full of life. Slash is a total stud, and the other guys aren't as popular but they were cool.

I noticed a few good and bad things that I'd like to share:
-good crowd, my experience at the Nokia is usually good, only the bar was super crowded unlike other times I've been there. I think it had something to do with it not being an 18 year old jam band scene, so that was pleasant to see people demanding alcohol rather than rolling on the floor because they are not legal to drink and ate too much molly to play it safe.

-no jam band crowd also means no jam band, which means only 1 set and no encore? I'm so torn between swearing off hippy crack music forever but also endlessly admiring them for having a nice long bathroom/smoking break halfway into the show, only to leave the stage again and come back for an encore. My Primus sucks experience in November yielded the same disappointing results for otherwise super cool rock dudes being on stage and tearing it up.

-they covered "Wish You Were Here" as I was wearing my infamous Pink Floyd shirt that LRod has now claiming except for when I go to concerts. It got me pretty excited for next week's adventures with Roger Waters and Dark Side at MSG, and I'll be sure to bust out my camera for that.

Sweet

I've heard some complaints about the Ford Escape hybrid cabs, but mostly from tall people who suffer from a lack of legroom. Although a most legitimate complaint it is, cabbies have almost killed us all several different times, so a 5 minute ride should not rest its central focus on what people's knees are feeling.

Enter candidate Bloomberg, a most short Jewish man lacking legroom concerns (who also takes the subway), but he says that in 5 years all NYC cabs will be hybrid, and that's pretty sweet. The most practical solution to a serious problem, and this man has the nerve to implement it? He'll never survive in Washington, but his newly redesigned website seems to be reaching for it.

Most surprising in that article to me is that cabs only last 3-5 years anyway and are tightly regulated by the city. So pretty much any auto industry dickwads that want to complain about this not being the proper long term solution (ie. alternative fuels) need not complain because it would take just another 5 years to get it right a second time. I'm totally for this guy and Chuck Hagel in 2008

With Cuffs on Tightly

As the world begins to unravel slightly more than it did the week before, it's nice to know that even the religious ones who dabble in the rock n roll lifestyle can't keep their hands or cocks or crack smoking lips to themselves anymore. I always thought that Ted Haggard and his band of merry wannabees turn out the way they are because because pretending to live by the scripture will make a man insane.

Turns out that dabbling in the wild side does not in fact prevent these Jesus turd monkeys from misbehaving, but it stands the time tested truth of creating one sweet headline. Guess we'll just have to eradicate the planet of them all. Not a viable solution, but you still gotta love it when Creed man gets busted for supposedly beating his former Miss New York of a wife. Now that he's in the same zip code as my grandma and obviously sucks to begin with, I say they lock him up for good (but do notice how I put the word "supposedly" in my hyperlink, as to give him a little unbiased - innocent til proven guilty - credit that is not required of bloggers lacking in professional journalistic skills).

Alright I've got over two weeks in the vacation bank, guess the second half of this year will have to suck less and involve going somewhere for hopefully not too much money.

Let's Celebrate

By getting an abortion! Alright that's cruel, but Jerry Falwell has passed on to...nothing!! There is no heaven and he has spent his life striving for that false sense of forgiveness for being a giant douche. If there is an afterlife I can assure you that he's getting gang raped by Satan and Saddam, South Park style. I only think what might've happened had they brought him to a real hospital rather than the anti-science one on the campus of his esteemed Liberty University, but I guess we'll never know. Perhaps there was a hooker and meth involved, as it would certainly come as no surprise.

I hope he has no successor and that his Moral Majority and Liberty U both burn to the ground in an instant. I'm tired of pretending not to be jubilant when things like this happen, as pieces o crap like him get jubilant when we bomb innocent people in Iraq and Afghanistan, so now it's my turn to not give a crap what others think of my cruelty.

I hope to find a rally commemorating his legacy in the street tomorrow so I can light off fireworks and throw dead fetuses at his followers (or is it fetusi?).

This Just In

Palestinian youth hate Jews, Americans, Infidels.

But love burning shit, St. Louis Rams.

Seriously, if you're gonna dedicate your life to hating me - I personally qualify as a Jew, American, Infidel, non-pyro, non-St. Louis fan (shit I'm screwed) - then perhaps you might want to not make the front page of one of the world's distinguished periodicals wearing something that's all about what you hate.

If this kid does not realize that millions of Americans drink beer and eat chips for hours upon end on Sundays in the name of that t-shirt, then he either might want to try it out himself or sell the thing on eBay for what's certain to be a hefty profit because it's a sweet looking shirt.

George Bush is a dumbass but at least he doesn't wear a white robe and carry the Koran everywhere.

Finally arriving ontime/early from Chicago for the first time ever last night, my cabbie had (a) the nerve to talk to me which is really annoying when I don't want to engage and (b) the extreme nerve of telling me why Mother's Day isn't that important because god says his mom isn't as important as men. Not only that, but the asshole told me that this is what he told his mom on her day. Go buy an NFL shirt and light something on fire, but leave your mother alone on her Hallmark holiday for cryin out loud.

He also had the nerve to lecture me about all this, thus worrying me he's a terrorist but also not angering me enough to argue back. He at least could have had the courtesy of being more forceful in his belief in order to spark my rage, but no these fools instead pretend to speak the one and only truth.

Yea I'm pissed, no I don't think that invading Iran is the solution to this dickwad and all his comrades.

Cows Have Magnets

And I had "nuttin that beats your muttin." For whatever reason someone came up with the idea that in order to protect cows from ingesting harsh metals that damage their digestive tracts, placing a magnet at the front of it in order to collect all impurities would work and could be left inside of them for their entire life. This practice is employed in many a cow these days (not children?), but I went for the dead lamb for lunch.

After looking up the definition of muttin and of course invoking that funny episode of Seinfeld, I got confused about what the hell the difference is between lamb and sheep. After reaching a general consensus, it's supposedly like a cow is to veal analogy, which I still haven't confirmed via google so please be sure to correct me if you know something that I do not.

After completing another leg of my steakhouse tour (similar to finishing another hole of frisbee golf) at Reed's at 36th and 6th, I found myself heavily buzzed (positive), with headphones (positive), but most sweaty and on the subway (negative) during the warmest day yet of the year. I returned to my cubicle, had wine on the breath and was profusely sweating...Hibernation season begins as I seek AC and avoid the oppressive haze, so I'll see you in the winter, which should hopefully free up some more time to blabber about this way.

Minyons & Aholes

Not too sure what the title means, but every asshole in Buffalo better be ready for a pouncing from the Rangers tonight. Actually, if the Rangers control 55 minutes, then it's still big trouble because it takes about 1 minute of Buffalo being on their game to crush opponents...stay tuned, but go Rangers.

As yet another week winds down and Queen Elizabeth is more popular than ever in this country despite being played as a frigid bitch by Helen Mirren just months ago, the world continues to consolidate and the only organization left to buy other large organizations is probably going to be the Chinese Government.

Being involved in Google's most recent transaction as it faces scrutiny from competitors and the government, I now turn to the other side of the industry as Microsoft-Yahoo! M&A talks begin to heat up once again. Never to be outdone, Rupert Murdoch made an unsolicited bid for Dow Jones this week, as everything he buys lately seems to do really well. Microsoft also acquired a mobile advertising company today, and Vonage was denied a retrial in its patent infringement case brought on by Verizon. Apparently having pity for the poor bastards, Verizon pleaded to the judge who ruled in favor of them to not shut Vonage down immediately, as was decreed about two months ago. Smells like Verizon is trying to keep Vonage barely breathing so they can make an acquisition in a few months... Oh yea, and Reuters is up for acquisition as well, hopefully not by Rupert Murdoch.

If conflict of interest wasn't a term, then I'd have nothing to say right now, but I guess Rupert dumbing down the Wall Street Journal to FoxNews levels would be pretty interesting and further alienate conservatives with brains (clearly none work in Washington at this moment in time and it might help to have them around one day if a non-retard conservative becomes president - not too sure about that though after last nights debate!).

Go Rangers and Happy Cinco de Mayo, it's gonna be a real beauty all weekend in NY.

You Best Protect Ya Neck

Don't know if Barack is down with the Wu, but he's rockin out to one of their songs right now. The first potential black president most definitely does need a little extra protection. Just as the campaigning has started so damn early, so does the Secret Service. Maybe they can spend less time with Cheney next time he goes to Afghanistan...

In case you're not up to speed with the rants of the Decider, he now declares himself as, "the commander guy," thus proving once again his overwhelming sense of intelligence and proclivity towards cooperative government, but I'm going to stick with Decider because it's one word and slightly catchier.

Speaking of losing political clout, this page here is a dumb (gets old in 3 seconds) little thing that makes fun of the governator, who hasn't self-declared himself that name as our idiot president would do, not to mention that he's only been gaining clout for over a year now. Way to go Arnold.