Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday Blues

Ha yea right, Friday rocks, but hopefully some red states will turn blue after this guy behaves like a priest, Bob Woodward disses W's stubborness, and Senator George Allen continues to practice his favorite pastime: racism.

Let's see, not much going on over here though. The L train was closed due to police activity, my stomach couldn't handle the hourlong commute having to walk to the JMZ and then transfer with many despondent hipsters, and then I get to work and there's no TP!? What the frig is that? Other than living in a fraternity house and exercising my right to sheer pride/stubborness that I was the one to buy the TP the last 4 months, I have not had to use PT rather than TP. Port Authority Building, shape up please. Google moves to the building and all hell breaks loose, not to mention the fact that they seem to be pushing their way into the space that the company I work for already operates in (the internet rich media space, not office space). Damn those Mountain View bastards.

So, in typical Friday idiocy, I made this cool looking symmetrical alien by holding the control key and having fun in Excel, damn it looks good:
New York, I haven't had a normal weekend of copious alcohol consumption, sleeping in, and doing it all over again in quite a long time. Special events Michigan hopefully whoopin on Minnesota followed by STS9 at the awesome yet horribly placed Nokia Theatre in Times Square sounds like I'll be quite miserable to be saying hi to you all again on Monday morning. I may even crash a bachelor party tonight, woohoo. Enjoy your weekends all.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Life of a Hobo

So, just quickly on today's news, it seems that Jeanine Pirro wanted to spy on her mobster husband with Bush's Homeland Security nominee gone bad. Whatever happened to that guy anyway (Kerik)? I mean, it turns out he's so shady that he decides to play up the fact that his cleaning lady was an illegal immigrant and thinks that people will really believe that's all he was up to? What about the (insert South American country) guy who mows his lawn anyway? Why no credit for them ruining his chances at chief of homeland security? Meanwhile, we coulda used that guy here in NY cause the guy who got the job instead thinks Indiana has the most terrorist targets.

In yesterday's news, it's probably a little late to be mentioning the fact that Screech will soon be bangin two girls and giving at least one of them a Dirty Sanchez, but that's pretty awesome. I haven't seen any celebrity sex videos, but this one might even be worth a purchase, let alone an illegal download. His manager thinks that it will get him more bookings, but how come no one has covered his sibling ties to Mike D of the Beastie Boys? "To the 5 Boroughs" was more like a crappy album in need of more talent (better beats perhaps), so I think someone should be playing up that one a little more. Sorry to rip on you Mike D, Adrock, and MCA, but I think you know what I'm talking about too.

What else? Oh yea Newsweek's cover titled "Losing Afghanistan" is apparently only relevant in Asia, Europe, and Latin America, but not in the US (that's pretty dang stupid).

Anyway, the life of a hobo (no I'm not in Hoboken, I'd never go to that side of the Hudson, being that New Jersey is the butt of 60% of my jokes) has been fairly uneventful yet interesting. Thanks to one LRod I don't have to shack up with family, but rather the wonderful girlfriend of the past three months (it's goin well kiddos, I even just met the parents for the new year last weekend). I was really worried about leaving the toilet seat up for her two other female roommates, which would have quickly rendered me useless and on their bad sides, but thankfully they have that completely unnecessary blue rug cover for the top toilet seat, thus making it impossible to balance the lower one upright. Although holding my wang with one hand and the toilet seat with the other is in no way optimal, it has thus saved me the wrath of a female staring at the nasty part of the toilet that so conveniently hides beneath the seat, although since it's not my toilet I've actually been cleaning that part. Kudos to you, blue rug toilet seat cover buyer (that's a good "Real Men of Genius" Budweiser commercial right there if I don't say so myself, although it seems that a real woman of genius is due all the credit).

Anyway my two weeks of free loading are up and I'm on to...living with a coworker and his girlfriend just minutes away from said girlfriend in Williamsburg. Paying rent again will help me revert back to my ways of leaving the toilet seat up and uncleaned, but this will still be an exercise in sharing a bathroom with a female. Manhattan, I miss you dearly and shall hopefully be returning on December 1st. My shwarma on Sunday night was lackluster, not to mention my inability to find a dry cleaner without stepping over hundreds of fake poor hipsters on Bedford Ave all pretending to have a heroin problem. That might be an exaggeration, but truth isn't always so funny.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

From the St. Petersburg Times

You just can't make this stuff up. Sorry for the lack of clarity, but it should be legible. I think I'm going to have to go out on a limb and say that this crap only happens in Russia:



Speaking of weird crap in Russia, this doesn't seem so secret, now does it? Here's to you St. Petersburg (Nastrovia!)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Clinton Interview

I made many links and quasi-hateful remarks, yet forgot to link to Slick Willy's interview, as most of the YouTube postings seem to just be Foxified clippings. Here is Steamin Willy Beamin, definitely worth the watch if you've got the time. As far as I'm concerned I'd drop my pants the second I hear his voice, but it's nice to see him have to get all riled up with the occasional bonehead that doesn't speak his international language of love

All out craziness

So...Some smug asshole on FoxNews pisses off my man slick willy, slick willy bitch slaps him hard enough to the point that he says some things about our cowboy in chief, and today that crazy fake-black lady named Condi rips on slick willy. All I want to know is, when is that bitch going to get her teeth fixed? This is America for cryin out loud, we smile when we drop bombs on other parts of the world:
I've always known that our current governmental boneheads don't have much prowess in the noggin, but did you ever think that Trey Parker and Matt Stone did? Oh yea, I know that. New season of South Park next Wednesday, but until then I leave you with some of their clever shennanigans played out on the world stage:

"'South Park'" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone know how to punk the press. Media outlets all over the world picked up on the mischief-makers' recent claim at a U.K. press conference that Saddam Hussein's jailers had told the pair that the dictator had been forced to watch a "South Park" episode depicting him as Satan's gay lover. 'It was a joke,' Stone told us at a party celebrating the series' 10th season. Asked if Amnesty International might pursue them, Stone said, 'Bring it on! We wish they would.'…"

Damn those guys are awesome, I hope they outlast the Simpsons, but not this guy's beard, cause Osama really should eat some of that tainted spinach already.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Can you guess who this good looking fellow is?


Damn he is one sexy bitch (hint - he fought the Swedes for what would become his grand vision, later to be named Leningrad)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Hello to my 3 Readers

So as mentioned above, reading what other people have to say just isn't good enough sometimes. A little time spent in Eastern Europe got me thinking about anything besides work and got my mind ranting and raving. Any culture different than your own presents you with many things to contemplate and make fun of, so I'll give it a shot. Living in New York also presents me with a million and one different things to say "wtf?!?!?" to, and I can only hope that going back to work won't cause my mind to run dry in 3 weeks. Thanks for your special attention. First on the agenda, my feelings on the Pope and the disrespect he has for Muslims who have a disrespect for his effagies...

Monday, September 18, 2006

I already heard Chris Matthews say this, but seriously...


To all you non-angry Muslims, this isn't really directed at you, so please refrain from using the unemployed masses to build an effagy of my beautiful body, soak it in kerosene, and light it up in a blaze of glorious anger.

Here's my lowdown of the situation: Koranic text can and is interpreted (not by all but just enough to cause quite a ruckous in the world these days) as encouraging violence against the infidels, Pope calls the Koran out on that, many Muslims get pissed and react violently. How about writing a constructive criticism about why the Pope is wrong? Oh I know why because he is not, and all you effegy burning mofos out there need to get a friggin job rather than prove the Pope right. As a Jew with a job, I don't have the time to riot every second of the day when my people are offended. When someone calls me a penny pinching bitch, I don't respond by cheaping out on a bill, so maybe next time you can react not by affirming exactly what you are being accused of. If I were a writer for the Onion, the title of my article would be something like "Angry Muslims lack employment, arts and crafts materials." This is exactly the same reaction to the Prophet Muhammed cartoons in which angry fools rioted and burned down embassies because their prophet was depicted in a cartoon, not because their prophet was depicted in a cartoon with a bomb in his head. Get your hypocrisies straight and start building me a mannican of Elaine Bennis, hold the matches and kerosene please.

On a side note, I have been angered by this whole string of events and find myself defending a Pope who spent his promising youthful years...not at summercamp, but as a Hitler youth. I don't care how the parlance of his times may have affected how he chose to spend those days, but this angry, match-lighting, reactionary spree to his comments about the Koran have me baffled that I actually agree with this guy about anything. This is a guy who would like to lead a midnight burglary of the local stem-cell clinic in order to re-insert an aborted fetus into a high school girl, thus putting her ass on the welfare roles in no time, rather than let her finish her education about why gay people aren't so bad after all and may actually have science on their side. This guy's a dick but the people currently calling for his head on a stick should be kicked in the nuts way harder than he needs to be.