I'll sell

This guy comes to Wall Street, will likely make some part of getting to the Ranger's game annoying, and calls for an end to excessive executive pay and wants performance linked to pay.

A great theory indeed, but if you have the time, read this Rolling Stone article about how the guy never worked an honest day in his life and got paid [a lot] for it all along.

Go Rangers

Smoke this shit, Fatty

Or is it smoke this fatty, you fat shit? or perhaps fatty shithead? Either way, a non-American pharma company is finally addressing the millions of self prescribers out there. Actually, that's not true either, but I'd bet that many of the self prescribers are in fact fat and lazy couch bums that are too high to care if they happen to be fat. If that's the case, then perhaps the solution to all this madness is...getting even more high? Well, someday fat lazy stoners may indeed be losing their weight by getting high in pill form all while sitting on the couch. It's some pretty bad logic, but between the miracle of weed coupled with the genius of scientists, it doesn't sound too crazy.

Crazy, you say? I'll tell you what's crazy, and that's this supposed global warming theory making news once again. There are really only two sides to take on this issue, with no gray in the middle: It's that you either like Al Gore and are still pissed off that he won the popular vote but had to retreat to Europe, get fat and grow a beard, or it's that you're a flag waving patriot who loves the fact that Al Gore lost the election because of some biddy named Katherine Harris.

Either way, pride seems to be in the way of communicating this issue to the masses, and my problem is that I think Al Gore is responsible for it being that way. Why is that? It's because his movie was good and all, but he already had me sold. If you haven't yet seen the movie, please go see it; if you haven't seen the movie and dislike Al Gore, please see it anyway despite the fact that he might anger you. For an issue affecting all of humanity, I think the guy spent too much time dropping his opinions and moral judgment, including a 5 minute tirade about how smoking is bad for you (but no mention that cigarettes contribute to CO2 in the atmosphere). It's not his fault for being polarizing because the 2000 election was a nasty fight, but he needs to do a better job of not angering sensitive and ignorant retards who we need to agree with us that something should be done.

I guarantee there's some hicks in Nebraska right now wondering why dat goddawn waddduh supply is dryin up and dis drought ding seems to be kickin in, but because they caress the barrel of a gun and don't like snooty liberals who disagree with James Inhofe (aka dickhead), these people are looking for any reason to not to go see his movie. That sorta makes sense, but basically I have a problem with how Mr. Gore presents his case.

That said, this global warming thing isn't crazy, but what is crazy is that Drudge Report and all the others have yet another headline grabbing article about yet another report issued by scientists whom are predicting the end of sustainable life. Again, I agree with this, but why the fuck is that news? This is like the 87th report in 5 years to deem global warming a serious issue, and every new one is presented like it's the fucking golden ticket we were missing just last week. It's also presented (at least on sites like Drudge) with 3 headlines below it describing it as a myth, etc...and that's just annoying.

As much as I make it seem like something needs to be done once the retards get on board, Stuy Town pays my Con Ed bill and I have zero incentive to save electricity. Call me a hypocrite, please (I deserve it), but I also don't drive a car and I think that goes a long way in terms of a non-contributor. Now that I think of it, Al Gore's movie was good, but I've seen like 6 movies since that one, capped by a spectacular performance by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed, so perhaps I have moved on too. What I really think is that I've moved on cause every news spewing machine out there still wastes valuable time talking about it like it was discovered yesterday.

In an effort to make global warming awareness an important issue, I am officially endorsing the next global warming movie as one starring the Governator. His credentials are really quite stellar: he pulled a pussy Republican move to oust Grey Davis as governor, behaved like an arrogant Republican as governor, pissed off his Democratic state, and then finally hired Democrats to work with him rather than continue to call them "girly men." Now he has been reelected after it seemed just one year ago that there was no way he'd stay in office. So he's got the political credentials, including his recent initiatives to have California lead the way in curbing emissions, plus he has the "I'm the coolest 80's action hero ever" thing going as an actor. Him on camera doesn't irritate people like Al Gore would, and he's never once lost to the bad guys. If only I was a Hollywood producer...


As a final aside, just how dumb can news outlets be? Check this headline from Drudge today:

That's right, your average fool would assume that the Black Panthers have decided to regroup in the woods of the state most hostile to their cause, when in fact the article merely reveals that some idiot who likes to hunt was attacked by a panther. Awww, the poor guy is trying to shoot something and instead he gets attacked by a never before seen panther; how dare that panther!

So Wrong, but who cares

By now Drudge has already broken the non-PC MLK party on some hick ass college campus in Texas, but is there really a need for such outrage? Perhaps they did the legend himself some disservice by partying it up for their Monday off because of his sacrifice for blacks, but this requires further breakdown:

-All participants are extremely white. Last time there wasn't an extremely black person in the projects not making fun of a white person was...never. If we are to have reverse discrimination in this era of comic hilarity, then there shall be plain old-fashioned discrimination in the name of good times.

-What have I and friends done over the years to celebrate MLK day? In college it was like the only day off except for Passover (that day is actually made up) for the entire winter semester, so it was a huuuuuge party night. This year I was in Chicago sleeping off a mild hangover and hanging with Grandma, and last year I believe I was extremely hungover. What about that makes me anymore respectful to MLK than these lickbags?

-These white kids are dressed like homies, but they kind of look like white kids who actually dress like homies, rather than those who simply do it for fun. In a most offensive and Chappelle like manner, they threw a party in honor of making fun of a notion, but not to make fun of Dr. King himself. Even these kids aren't dumb enough to try and disgrace Dr. King; they may be descendants of KKK members, but it seems that hatred and outright racism don't plague their existence. They are merely mocking all the elements of black society that Dr. King himself would most likely spit on if he were here to see it today.

-"Pimps and Hoes" parties were a constant theme in college, and all they did was take "Pimps and Hoes" and replace it with the guy's name who happened to have the day named after him. It's like celebrating President's day in February (a much less common day off, but one that I will be fortunate to participate in) with a wig and top hat party. No one is wearing that shit not to mock those two old white dudes, and white kids not from inner-cities but dressing and drinking like they are is in fact nothing new.

-MLK deserves his own day, but he got his own day! Lincoln and Washington have to share that shit! JFK got nothing! McKinley got nothing but most people probably don't even know that he was assassinated - all he got was the largest mountain in North America that has a fecal matter problem. Maybe if they didn't name a day after Dr. King, then this outrage wouldn't exist? Nobody wants that.

-These kids are extremely stupid for posting this crap on Facebook. Now that jobs check prospective employees' MySpace and Facebook profiles, this shit will stick and we should at least let these idiots enjoy their moment of glory on January 15, 2007 if they're gonna have to suffer the consequences of thinking that it's a good idea to post pictures of being a retard to the general public.

-As a Jew, until there is some racist white guy in charge of a major country's government who decides to have a "Civil Rights Denial" conference in which they prove the non-existence of racism in America, this ain't as bad as having Iran's Ahmadinejad as your #1 foe.

Case closed - get over it.

Riots/Strikes/Parades

"Hezbollah Strike Brings Beirut to a Halt." "Strike?" That's a strike? My ass! Hezbollah is a recognized terrorist organization, they participate in [whatever you want to call it] with all this shit on fire and it's still considered a strike?

When's the last time you stayed home from a day of work in order to protest your government by burning cars and tires? Sulzberger and all those lefty wingnuts over at the New York Times need to get together and work on their definition of "strike," cause last time anyone did this in the US it fell under the classification "riot," which is a wee bit more accurate, as seen below with this sorry guy who must've owned Ace Glass during the 1992 Watts riots in LA (notice the blatantly 1992 Canadian Tuxedo look).

Let's see what Wikipedia has to say on the subject: Riots occur when crowds or even small groups of people gather to commit acts of violence and property damage, usually in reaction to a perceived grievance or out of dissent. Strike action, often simply called a strike, is a work stoppage caused by the mass refusal by employees to perform work. A strike usually takes place in response to grievances that employees feel management are ignoring.

I see property damage, so I think we've got ourselves a riot on our hands, not to mention the fact that Lebanon is in such crap these days that I have a feeling most of these people don't even have jobs from which they could be striking.

I know that stud Clooney refers to "Beirut Rules" in by far the most badass conspiracy movie of the recent past, even though said stud may have grown a beard, put on weight, and had his fingernails ripped out for the role. Thomas Friedman also grew accustomed to the life, as depicted in this stellar novel, but I don't think anything about this is strike-worthy simply because these people live in a place where the bar has been set so low.

Maybe NYTimes is scared to offend the specific ethnic group associated with Hezbollah, but they didn't refrain from use of "riot" when the Arabs in Paris were burning cars and busses two winters ago. Maybe it's because France is the strike capital of the world and they have a basis for comparing parading strikers versus pissed off people lighting shit on fire, and maybe its because the Middle East may be screwed more than Jenna Jameson, but c'mon people, let's call this thing what it looks like.

Speaking of screwed, I have decided to preemptively "strike" back at Decider for his State of the Union tonight: You want to cut fuel consumption by 20% and work with Democrats? Sorry you have nothing better to say, but you're full of shit. May everything you do for the next two years not work, including your presidential library and the lack of books that comes with it. Why should I have to curb gas consumption anyway? Invading Iraq was supposed to lower the price of that shit?

Bearssss

Go Bearssss. Ditka and Superbowl Shuffle nostalgia is all I need to enjoy the next couple of weeks, so hopefully it won't be too lame waiting for the actual game that will most likely suck and have a way too long halftime featuring Prince.

I don't know why I enjoy watching the Colts lose, but something about Peyton complaining about his "protection issues" and some "drunk kicker" in years past makes him sound like a whiny pussy. As Al Pacino lectures "Steamin" Willy Beamin about the virtues of being the guy that takes the fall for the rest of his team, as quarterbacks are supposed to be warrior/leaders, Any Given Sunday teaches a lesson in more than just how crazy football players are; that said, Peyton does not pass the litmus test and even seems to be a little more physically gifted than his younger brother who also complains less. All I'm saying is: sixdee tooo ta treee, Bearssss, with no hard feelings for brother Eli, although he is destined for years of disappointment over in New Jersey.

Whether it be Big Lovie Smiths or Little Lovie Smiths, I sure hope the Colts suck a fat one and take at least 3 more Bills like losses in seasons to come. Tony Dungee seems like a nice guy, but he's too much of a non-individual being that he and his best friend and fellow NFL Coach Herm Edwards look too much alike (he's also a Jesus freak, which seems sketchy to me). Additionally, if we're supposed to be so excited about a black coach guaranteed a Super Bowl victory, why not make it the guy who's way more brown skinned than the other? Game, Set, Match: Lovie Smith.

As we prepare for more Jack Bauer debauchery, perhaps some attention can be focused on the fact that Kiefer in HD is way sexier than any porn star in HD, as my father's prediction/joke from 3 years ago comes to fruition. It's too bad the NYTimes has journalistic integrity to maintain and can't just say that so-called "razor burn" is in fact a very candy coated version of "herpes where we don't wanna see them." Actually, I don't ever want to see any herpes anywhere, but it looks like porn may not pave the way in this round of distributing cutting-edge technology to the horny consumer. Also looks like Pfizer will have to broadcast their anti-herpes commericals that consist of one sorry couple running through wheat fields and that famous beach in Rio with 10,000 less people on their hands. Seriously, every herpes drug commercial has that famous beach in Rio with that famous Catholic statue on top of the mountain.

This is going nowhere, but the Bearsss are totally going to pummel Peyton.

I'll give you 25 to 1 Odds

25 to 1 odds that the headline, "U.S. May Cut Troops in Iraq by Summer, General Says" in fact means "Not a fucking chance."

It belongs in the poop bag with other awesome punchlines such as "greeted as liberators," "last throes," "war pay for itself," "mission accomplished," and the countless other necon greatest hits in douchebaggery.

The only way that will happen is if Maliki has his way and kicks them out, but it won't be because of brilliant war and military strategy that gets things done on timelines always promised but never delivered.

Jack Bauer Rules

OK so I've still missed most of Sunday night's episode but I saw all of Monday's and I must say that the bad acting, ridiculous heroics, and occasional complete predictability have gotten me into it once again.

Not having cable last year really put a hampering on my viewing of the Russian terrorists in cahoots with the Nixon-esque president, but taking a season off proved well for my bigoted and stereotyping mind, as once again this year's foe is your average Arab/Muslim terrorist, thus proving that any and all combinations of said ethnicity and religion mean that you are indeed a terrorist in need of getting whooped by the Patriot Act, sent to a secret CIA prison, not having access to an attorney or evidence, and subsequent broom stick butt rapings.

Rather than admit their involvement in all non-freedom loving activities, Muslim groups are once again (as they did two seasons ago) ramping up anti-24 sentiment and complaining that Jack Bauer makes them look bad, although that is now an arguable point because he in fact was unable to stop them for the first time in his life on Monday night. Obviously Jack will still save the day as much as he can, but there is hope for the terrorists that they still have enough tricks up their sleeves to fool the hardiest of CTU agents. Either way, why don't you cry about it crybabies?

I do recall Jack Bauer's commercial a couple years ago trying to articulate the difference between bad acting/drama and reality, so perhaps we can expect some of the same this season in response to the crybabies. Since America is largely full of Cheeto eating retards, it's too bad they can't just say, "If you take this show literally, you are a fucking moron," but that would be unfair because there's just as many dumbass Muslims over in the Middle East who think I have horns and rape Allah in my spare time. Cheeto eating retards and angry Muslim retards are incredibly dense and it just needs to be accepted that any kind of protests and PR campaigns to alleviate the situation are just wasting everybody's time.

As GDubs has pointed out, "they may have a point, but it's not like Anglo Saxons are known for blowing themselves up in the name of god." That is most true Sir Weiss, and the writers even cut them some slack last year by making the terrorists Russian. I have little knowledge of seasons 1, 2, and 4, but if any of them, or any season sometime in the next 20 years uses just one white guy American terrorist, then the writers have done more than their fair share of letting others know that occasionally terrorists are not Arab or Muslim. In reality though, I'd guess that at least 90% of the world's terrorist talent pool is in fact made up of Muslims, so as long as 90% or less of 24 is about them specifically, then there should be nothing to complain about.

Speaking of complaining, why can't these disheartened Muslim alliances, political groups, prayer circles, etc... ever express outrage over the bad name that their extreme elements give to all of them, rather than just complain about TV shows that hurt their feelings? I think some complaining needs to be redirected inwards, and only then should they feel the right to complain about everything, including themselves. Jews are known for feeling collective guilt (OJ Simpson, not a Jew!), and it's time that Muslims stop complaining about everything bad except for the bad that they are responsible for. Additionally, if protests of 24 exist only in the discussion forum and don't spill over to effigy and embassy burning, well then that would just surprise me. I think it's time Kiefer gets himself a couple extra bodyguards since he's not as awesome as Jack Bauer.

OOOOOOllllllllllllberman

So, for my lucky #50 post, anyone who does not like Mr. Decider these days should really take the time to check out what Keith Olberman has to say about our most certain to be next blunder in MessOpatamia and why trusting a C student who has failed in multiple businesses is asking us to lose a losing game.

Unlike your local weatherman and unlike the meatheads who we see on Sportscenter, this guy (in collaboration with good writers) has really proven that he's more about afternoon showers, football, and beer. You've come a long way Keith, and I like what you're doing. I especially like that Geraldo Rivera has recently threatened to "make a pizza of you," whatever that might mean.

By The Way

In case anyone has let up on their New Jersey humor lately, I would imagine that the main jokes about the stench on Monday (although I was still away) had something to do with New York's armpit of a neighbor. Nothing seems totally conclusive at this point, but apparently a strange weather phenomenon coupled with stanky swamp gas from New Jersey led to this problem.

Stereotypes exist for a reason, and if you were making blanket statements on Monday, it seems there was much truth to it.

Blah

As moving in drags on (laid down the rug my Grandma gave me last night!), at least I still have excuses for not having my life in order and therefore not blogging away.

Florida was lovely, especially because my crowd down there is more like New Yorkers in Florida (eat at normal/late hours) rather than the early bird peoples. Now it's off to shitty weather in Chicago in honor of the civil rights movement.

So much has happened, but as even I have started doing actual work at the jobby since the holidays are over, I feel like things have gotten into full swing all over. Democrats now control Congress are doing no better by canceling sessions so their colleagues can go watch the BCS National Championship, some sick weirdo who wants to make a career in tele-journalism has decided that getting zapped with a taser for fun is the best way to get promoted, the Governator proves that he's still awesome in Commando and other 80's classics but that he also nows how to win in the political arena, and (surprise, surprise) Condi "loves" Fox News anchors better than the rest as she works it trying to sell Decider's 7th last ditch effort to save Iraq and his reputation.

All I can say about Georgy Boy last night is that he looks like an alien/clown/stand up comedian hybrid when he's that uncomfortable in front of the camera. His 3rd grade lesson plan didn't go over well with me and sounded like another excuse to patronize people for not being as smart (through stupidity) as he and his brilliant advisers are. Drudge Report's headline is currently about David Beckham going to play for the MLS that nobody cares about, which just goes to show how embarrassed and uncertain conservatives are about this whole thing by making it seem like it's not a big deal. Even Mr. Holy War Sam Brownback has detracted from el presidente on this one.

When in Florida this past weekend, my Nana and her friend mentioned that driving in Florida isn't nearly as bad as New York. Between the 12 lane intersections and the parking lots in Publix and the Flea Market, I strongly disagree with that notion and said I'd rather be fighting the cabs in Manhattan. Florida seems weirder and weirder everytime I go there, but at least Way Beyond Bagels is better than your average spot in New York, although it's still no EssaBagel.

I didn't even realize that I booked my return flight for exactly during the tOsu-Florida game, but luckily JetBlue has the TV thing covered. Unluckily the 2 hour delay permitted me to get inebriated before getting on the plane in the middle of the third quarter. College Football season is officially over and my non-expert ass can finally stop commenting about it. My initial hopes for the game were not met, and now that I look back on it, rather cruel - not to mention the fact that Urban Meyer has shut me up, although I think it's still true that at that point in the season, Florida should not have jumped to #2. My second hope of OSU whoopin on Florida in the hopes of restoring BigTen credibility (most important, to show that Michigan simply played a bad game but that they do not suck as much as it seemed against USC) also did not happen. Instead, witnessing the disbelief and suffering of Fuckeye fans on national television brought me great pleasure and joy. As MZone notes, you almost feel bad for them, until you remember that the broken-hearted fans are racist bigots who likely did something to offend you on your most recent visit to Columbus.

Guess I didn't really know what I was talking about if my unexpected third hope prevailed as reality and what brought me great joy. Oh well no more college football til August, unless your name is Saul or Garnish, in which case the season never ends (Ryan Mallet rules, more than O'Doyle).

Sunshine State

Here I come.

Haven't done enough not working the past 3 weeks so I've decided to take some well deserved time off with the one the only LRod as we go visit Nana in the capital of retired persons.

As if the palm trees won't be enough of a treat, it seems the cloud cover is bound to finally break this weekend, while getting there should be a most joyous occasion as I frequent JetBlue for the first time since my 16 hour visit to San Francisco back in May. One complaint though, their rewards program totally sucks. Get to 100 points in a year? That's tough considering that everything expires after a year. They do everything right, yet somehow I can track my never expiring United and Continental Airlines miles with great joy, which might be the only thing the old big box airlines get right. Oh well, DirectTV, comfy leather seats, and unlimited Terra Blues should be sufficient to keep this blogger happy. I may even sign up for the JetBlue AMEX card that allows points to never expire, but I've racked up a clean 15k miles with Continental and MasterCard and don't know if quitting now is the right thing to do. I don't seem to fly them enough because their fares are so inconsistently better and worse than standard fares, so I guess they've still got some work to do in my book; their sassy yet friendly stewardesses (stewardessi, perhaps?) will also add to the sufficiency of the previously mentioned perks.

I'm trying to think if I missed anything from holidays/New Years, but all I can remember is the cliche long line at the liquor store, a decent gathering, a new bedroom that still stanks like the Marlboro Man, and people not getting cabs because it was New Years and it was pouring rain at 4am.

A few posts ago I managed to complain about the possible taping of Saddam's execution and the total backwardness it represents. It seems that CBS and the other news outlets refrained, but luckily for us all some shady guard caught it on his cellphone and put it on YouTube. While the extremists seem to dominate the landscape in Iraq these days, perhaps a vengeful Shiite posting the hanging of a former dictator on YouTube is a sign of a flourishing of democracy, as I doubt Saddam would have permitted something to post on a video site owned by Silicon Valley's most dominant force. Then again, porn sales have surged since Saddam left, and that has not done any positive for the country either. Perhaps those things that come from California and represent post-Saddam life are not helping at all.

Anyway, I think it takes like 18 years for an American to get processed through death row, yet the execution date minus the day Saddam's appeal fell through is like 18...days, not years. That's pretty messed up and I don't see how that's a good sign. True to form, Retard in Chief thinks he's above commenting on a botched death sentence even though he keeps Saddam's pistol in his office; what a lickbag. Seriously though, I watched the YouTube and was very sickened by a public to the world execution, even moreso than when that evil guard in The Green Mile doesn't wet the sponge and burns that poor guy alive.

Tom Friedman said it best earlier this week when mentioning something about centuries old tribal tensions and democracy not getting along. Those neocon lickbags can all stop prancing around and spreading their freedom if they know what's good for the world. For a year now I've been saying that restoring order in the Middle East involves giving Saddam his iron fist back, but they didn't listen to me and instead decided to kill him in a most hastily manner. Ahmadinejad may have lost a few elections last week, but his greatest enemy is officially down in the depths of hell and reunited with his gay lover Satan.

Listening to The Wall for the past hour now, so good. See you when I return

Spitzer

Eliot Spitzer is our new governor, woohoo. He seems smart, dedicated, and full of rage that could possibly be used to do good things; I'm all for him but also can't help but make a joke about the fact that we'll probably be seeing a lot more of this upon entering our office buildings every morning:

Doesn't Chloe from 24 (new season next Sunday, fuck yea) look like one of the Bush daughters? I can't remember which one is which or which one was asked to leave Argentina, but they look like daughters of a cokehead to me

Everything and Nothing, although "the Bloggers" rule

I have other thoughts, but let's start with the Rose Bowl since Big Blue losing such a horrendous game for the third time in four years really blows. Let's break it down:

*I'm not here to complain - Michigan got whooped by USC for the second time in four years in the Rose Bowl. However, the Rose Bowl is a defacto home game for USC. With that said, even though Michigan fans arrive in numbers, I don't think I heard any of those vaginas exercising their vocal chords except for that one USC 3rd down in the 4th quarter when M was down 25 to 11 and desperately needed the ball back: End result - USC gets the 1st down with (shocker) a pass, and then all M fans go back into "don't want to sound raspy tomorrow" mode.

*What's a possible solution to Michigan always losing the Rose Bowl?
1) The Big Ten needs to start it's season later and therefore end it later - UM might have gotten screwed (again, not complaining) out of the National Championship simply because they lost two weeks before Florida won the SEC. Had they lost to the Fuckeyes a week or two later, not only would that situation possibly have been different, but just maybe having 3 weeks off (as USC did) instead of 5 weeks off (as Michigan did) is a better move in terms of rhythm and conditioning.
2) Just as the Superbowl will only visit cold climates if (a) the stadium has a roof and (b) it is a city like Detroit that desperately needs money pumped into its economy, can't college bowl games even try to have some of the largest Big Ten stadiums act as cameo bowl games? Packing 100k+ into any of the several stadiums that offer it for a nice cold football day in January sounds exciting to me. Possibly it's me being bitter that USC gets to play in its backyard, but why can't any teams from the Midwest get to play in their yards in their weather conditions? PS, it does need to be below 50 degrees at some point in the next two months in order for "Midwest" weather conditions to actually exist.

*Pete Carrol is a sexy coach. He out sexed Lloyd Carr big time and would be quite an eligible bachelor in the world of Southern California, but my guess is that he's married.

*Jim Tressel is not sexy but he still out sexes Lloyd Carr as of late.

*Lloyd Carr has lost 4 bowl games in a row, 3 of them Rose Bowls. Here's where I get mad: Herbstreit, Musberger, and Bob Davie should all be shot. The second the game took a turn for a worse, these three lickbagging announcers wouldn't stop talking about how even though Lloyd Carr can't beat Ohio State (for 3 yrs now) or win a bowl game (4 yrs now), they think he's soooooo wonderful and great and how he's not leaving Michigan, but that "the bloggers" will be all over him and be calling for his head.

*I guess this makes me one of "the bloggers," but in truth I blog about bullcrap all day long and my expertise in college football, even UM, is miniscule, while it is also 100% true that nobody comes here to read my opinions about Michigan football. I will say this: last year when the guy had his worst season ever, couldn't hang on not to get heartbroken by Ohio State, and then lost an embarrassing asscrack bowl to a hasn't been in the top 25 for 10 yrs Nebraska Cornfuckers, I was calling for his head on a platter. This year however, he still manages to disappoint, but only after uplifting Wolverine fans to an 11-0 start, which is badass by anybody's standards. No matter what consistent failures he has had over the past few years, he suffered zero other failures this year. It is a remarkable turnaround from last season and those annoying friggin announcers were doing nothing but passing the blame for their own thoughts onto "the bloggers."

*No joke, I think they mentioned "the bloggers" at least 27 times in the second half like they are some form of annoying non-mammal species that simply ignore reality because masturbating to porn on their computer does not satisfy their immediate desires and they instead need to use said computer for non-porn purposes to whine and complain about football. Well looky here Kirbstreit, Davie, Musballsak, you were doing all of the bitching and whining and living vicariously through "the bloggers." Your jobs may have been to commentate on the game last night, but you did a very (overkilled) fine job of behaving exactly like the people you were complaining about. You all predicted that Michigan would win during pregame, you were wrong, and somehow other people are calling for Lloyd Carr's resignation while you sit there at your ESPN Gameday desk from week to week and hype whatever drama possible just for the sake of drama and make whatever moot point that you are talking about relevant until it becomes irrelevant when you say something completely different next week.

*I say "the bloggers" all start calling for their resignations, as they were so goddam annoying to listen to last night. It would be the perfect paradox with Time Magazine's Person of the Year (you), as traditional media outlets continue to litter themselves with idiots that both give lots of lovin while also reviling the existence of the internets that continues to erode the world as they know it. "The bloggers are already talking about this one," as they said in the 4th quarter. Actually lickbags, you need none other than to look into the mirror because you are in fact the assholes who are "already talking about it."

*Without the air show of (awesome name) John David Booty to whatever that pompous black receiver sure to be the next Keyshaun/TO, the game would have been a total snoozer. My hangover coupled with a percoset brought back by Saul from Mexico left me nice and sedated all game, except when "the blogger" talk started. They really had nothing to talk about because the game was that unexciting, but seriously they could have come up with something else. I think "the bloggers" were pissed after a horrendous 2005 season, but these guys are just jacking each other off with their talk last night. I hope they all get fired like Miami's thug announcer..."You don't come into the RB and talk that smack, bout Lllllllooyd Carr with his band of losers that can't win the graaaaaaaandaddy of em all." Fuck you ESPN/ABC announcers.

*To further prove what assholes these gentlemen are, MZone talks about bitchslappin, steamrollin, and some nice USC cheerleader ass, but no fire Carr. Here's MGoBlog, which either is still too upset from the loss to say anything, or it's Rose Bowl open thread isn't properly loading in my browser, but either way, these (what I consider to be the experts) bloggers seem to not be whining at all about Coach, let alone as much as the gang of Herbs, muss and davie.

*For all the trying to state the obvious that those fools did, how come they never mentioned the Rose Bowl game of 3 years ago (which I was kind enough to grace my presence with). It was a UM-USC matchup, USC had been screwed (moreso than Michigan was this year) out of the BCS national championship game, and USC steamrolled Michigan. All very close similarities that these dumbasses didn't harp on because it simply speaks of coincidence, not drama.

*Another interesting tidbit: In the past 4 years, only 3 teams have played in the Rose Bowl. It is damn impressive that of a possible 8 different teams, the only matchups we have seen are UM-USC (2004), UM-Texas (2005), USC-Texas (2006), and UM-USC (2007). That's a pretty neato fact if you ask me, especially considering that Texas had never played in the RB before.

*The Aflac trivia question was "who was the last person to have their number retired by Michigan?" Considering that they answered that friggin question during pregame and that it obviously had something to do with either Bo Schembechler or Gerald Ford (#48), I wasn't amused. I wish they woulda brought in the Jeopardy writers or possibly even a cameo by Trebek to get me to use my noggin a little more.

*Michigan officially does not play well when important people die. The heartbreak outweighs the inspiration, so Coach Carr and company need important people not to die until after important games.

One of "the bloggers" has spoken, but all he wants for New Years is to see people complain about firing those lickbag announcers who complain about people who complain. That sorta makes sense. I guess I'm complaining about these guys now, but not once have I complained about Michigan Football or Coach Carr. I was none to pleased with yesterday's result, but you absolutely cannot say it was a disappointing season. Hats off to OSU and Tressel was hard to give in November, but hats off to Pete Carrol and USC this time around, with a little less pain in saying that.