Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Everything and Nothing, although "the Bloggers" rule

I have other thoughts, but let's start with the Rose Bowl since Big Blue losing such a horrendous game for the third time in four years really blows. Let's break it down:

*I'm not here to complain - Michigan got whooped by USC for the second time in four years in the Rose Bowl. However, the Rose Bowl is a defacto home game for USC. With that said, even though Michigan fans arrive in numbers, I don't think I heard any of those vaginas exercising their vocal chords except for that one USC 3rd down in the 4th quarter when M was down 25 to 11 and desperately needed the ball back: End result - USC gets the 1st down with (shocker) a pass, and then all M fans go back into "don't want to sound raspy tomorrow" mode.

*What's a possible solution to Michigan always losing the Rose Bowl?
1) The Big Ten needs to start it's season later and therefore end it later - UM might have gotten screwed (again, not complaining) out of the National Championship simply because they lost two weeks before Florida won the SEC. Had they lost to the Fuckeyes a week or two later, not only would that situation possibly have been different, but just maybe having 3 weeks off (as USC did) instead of 5 weeks off (as Michigan did) is a better move in terms of rhythm and conditioning.
2) Just as the Superbowl will only visit cold climates if (a) the stadium has a roof and (b) it is a city like Detroit that desperately needs money pumped into its economy, can't college bowl games even try to have some of the largest Big Ten stadiums act as cameo bowl games? Packing 100k+ into any of the several stadiums that offer it for a nice cold football day in January sounds exciting to me. Possibly it's me being bitter that USC gets to play in its backyard, but why can't any teams from the Midwest get to play in their yards in their weather conditions? PS, it does need to be below 50 degrees at some point in the next two months in order for "Midwest" weather conditions to actually exist.

*Pete Carrol is a sexy coach. He out sexed Lloyd Carr big time and would be quite an eligible bachelor in the world of Southern California, but my guess is that he's married.

*Jim Tressel is not sexy but he still out sexes Lloyd Carr as of late.

*Lloyd Carr has lost 4 bowl games in a row, 3 of them Rose Bowls. Here's where I get mad: Herbstreit, Musberger, and Bob Davie should all be shot. The second the game took a turn for a worse, these three lickbagging announcers wouldn't stop talking about how even though Lloyd Carr can't beat Ohio State (for 3 yrs now) or win a bowl game (4 yrs now), they think he's soooooo wonderful and great and how he's not leaving Michigan, but that "the bloggers" will be all over him and be calling for his head.

*I guess this makes me one of "the bloggers," but in truth I blog about bullcrap all day long and my expertise in college football, even UM, is miniscule, while it is also 100% true that nobody comes here to read my opinions about Michigan football. I will say this: last year when the guy had his worst season ever, couldn't hang on not to get heartbroken by Ohio State, and then lost an embarrassing asscrack bowl to a hasn't been in the top 25 for 10 yrs Nebraska Cornfuckers, I was calling for his head on a platter. This year however, he still manages to disappoint, but only after uplifting Wolverine fans to an 11-0 start, which is badass by anybody's standards. No matter what consistent failures he has had over the past few years, he suffered zero other failures this year. It is a remarkable turnaround from last season and those annoying friggin announcers were doing nothing but passing the blame for their own thoughts onto "the bloggers."

*No joke, I think they mentioned "the bloggers" at least 27 times in the second half like they are some form of annoying non-mammal species that simply ignore reality because masturbating to porn on their computer does not satisfy their immediate desires and they instead need to use said computer for non-porn purposes to whine and complain about football. Well looky here Kirbstreit, Davie, Musballsak, you were doing all of the bitching and whining and living vicariously through "the bloggers." Your jobs may have been to commentate on the game last night, but you did a very (overkilled) fine job of behaving exactly like the people you were complaining about. You all predicted that Michigan would win during pregame, you were wrong, and somehow other people are calling for Lloyd Carr's resignation while you sit there at your ESPN Gameday desk from week to week and hype whatever drama possible just for the sake of drama and make whatever moot point that you are talking about relevant until it becomes irrelevant when you say something completely different next week.

*I say "the bloggers" all start calling for their resignations, as they were so goddam annoying to listen to last night. It would be the perfect paradox with Time Magazine's Person of the Year (you), as traditional media outlets continue to litter themselves with idiots that both give lots of lovin while also reviling the existence of the internets that continues to erode the world as they know it. "The bloggers are already talking about this one," as they said in the 4th quarter. Actually lickbags, you need none other than to look into the mirror because you are in fact the assholes who are "already talking about it."

*Without the air show of (awesome name) John David Booty to whatever that pompous black receiver sure to be the next Keyshaun/TO, the game would have been a total snoozer. My hangover coupled with a percoset brought back by Saul from Mexico left me nice and sedated all game, except when "the blogger" talk started. They really had nothing to talk about because the game was that unexciting, but seriously they could have come up with something else. I think "the bloggers" were pissed after a horrendous 2005 season, but these guys are just jacking each other off with their talk last night. I hope they all get fired like Miami's thug announcer..."You don't come into the RB and talk that smack, bout Lllllllooyd Carr with his band of losers that can't win the graaaaaaaandaddy of em all." Fuck you ESPN/ABC announcers.

*To further prove what assholes these gentlemen are, MZone talks about bitchslappin, steamrollin, and some nice USC cheerleader ass, but no fire Carr. Here's MGoBlog, which either is still too upset from the loss to say anything, or it's Rose Bowl open thread isn't properly loading in my browser, but either way, these (what I consider to be the experts) bloggers seem to not be whining at all about Coach, let alone as much as the gang of Herbs, muss and davie.

*For all the trying to state the obvious that those fools did, how come they never mentioned the Rose Bowl game of 3 years ago (which I was kind enough to grace my presence with). It was a UM-USC matchup, USC had been screwed (moreso than Michigan was this year) out of the BCS national championship game, and USC steamrolled Michigan. All very close similarities that these dumbasses didn't harp on because it simply speaks of coincidence, not drama.

*Another interesting tidbit: In the past 4 years, only 3 teams have played in the Rose Bowl. It is damn impressive that of a possible 8 different teams, the only matchups we have seen are UM-USC (2004), UM-Texas (2005), USC-Texas (2006), and UM-USC (2007). That's a pretty neato fact if you ask me, especially considering that Texas had never played in the RB before.

*The Aflac trivia question was "who was the last person to have their number retired by Michigan?" Considering that they answered that friggin question during pregame and that it obviously had something to do with either Bo Schembechler or Gerald Ford (#48), I wasn't amused. I wish they woulda brought in the Jeopardy writers or possibly even a cameo by Trebek to get me to use my noggin a little more.

*Michigan officially does not play well when important people die. The heartbreak outweighs the inspiration, so Coach Carr and company need important people not to die until after important games.

One of "the bloggers" has spoken, but all he wants for New Years is to see people complain about firing those lickbag announcers who complain about people who complain. That sorta makes sense. I guess I'm complaining about these guys now, but not once have I complained about Michigan Football or Coach Carr. I was none to pleased with yesterday's result, but you absolutely cannot say it was a disappointing season. Hats off to OSU and Tressel was hard to give in November, but hats off to Pete Carrol and USC this time around, with a little less pain in saying that.


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