Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Smoke this shit, Fatty

Or is it smoke this fatty, you fat shit? or perhaps fatty shithead? Either way, a non-American pharma company is finally addressing the millions of self prescribers out there. Actually, that's not true either, but I'd bet that many of the self prescribers are in fact fat and lazy couch bums that are too high to care if they happen to be fat. If that's the case, then perhaps the solution to all this madness is...getting even more high? Well, someday fat lazy stoners may indeed be losing their weight by getting high in pill form all while sitting on the couch. It's some pretty bad logic, but between the miracle of weed coupled with the genius of scientists, it doesn't sound too crazy.

Crazy, you say? I'll tell you what's crazy, and that's this supposed global warming theory making news once again. There are really only two sides to take on this issue, with no gray in the middle: It's that you either like Al Gore and are still pissed off that he won the popular vote but had to retreat to Europe, get fat and grow a beard, or it's that you're a flag waving patriot who loves the fact that Al Gore lost the election because of some biddy named Katherine Harris.

Either way, pride seems to be in the way of communicating this issue to the masses, and my problem is that I think Al Gore is responsible for it being that way. Why is that? It's because his movie was good and all, but he already had me sold. If you haven't yet seen the movie, please go see it; if you haven't seen the movie and dislike Al Gore, please see it anyway despite the fact that he might anger you. For an issue affecting all of humanity, I think the guy spent too much time dropping his opinions and moral judgment, including a 5 minute tirade about how smoking is bad for you (but no mention that cigarettes contribute to CO2 in the atmosphere). It's not his fault for being polarizing because the 2000 election was a nasty fight, but he needs to do a better job of not angering sensitive and ignorant retards who we need to agree with us that something should be done.

I guarantee there's some hicks in Nebraska right now wondering why dat goddawn waddduh supply is dryin up and dis drought ding seems to be kickin in, but because they caress the barrel of a gun and don't like snooty liberals who disagree with James Inhofe (aka dickhead), these people are looking for any reason to not to go see his movie. That sorta makes sense, but basically I have a problem with how Mr. Gore presents his case.

That said, this global warming thing isn't crazy, but what is crazy is that Drudge Report and all the others have yet another headline grabbing article about yet another report issued by scientists whom are predicting the end of sustainable life. Again, I agree with this, but why the fuck is that news? This is like the 87th report in 5 years to deem global warming a serious issue, and every new one is presented like it's the fucking golden ticket we were missing just last week. It's also presented (at least on sites like Drudge) with 3 headlines below it describing it as a myth, etc...and that's just annoying.

As much as I make it seem like something needs to be done once the retards get on board, Stuy Town pays my Con Ed bill and I have zero incentive to save electricity. Call me a hypocrite, please (I deserve it), but I also don't drive a car and I think that goes a long way in terms of a non-contributor. Now that I think of it, Al Gore's movie was good, but I've seen like 6 movies since that one, capped by a spectacular performance by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed, so perhaps I have moved on too. What I really think is that I've moved on cause every news spewing machine out there still wastes valuable time talking about it like it was discovered yesterday.

In an effort to make global warming awareness an important issue, I am officially endorsing the next global warming movie as one starring the Governator. His credentials are really quite stellar: he pulled a pussy Republican move to oust Grey Davis as governor, behaved like an arrogant Republican as governor, pissed off his Democratic state, and then finally hired Democrats to work with him rather than continue to call them "girly men." Now he has been reelected after it seemed just one year ago that there was no way he'd stay in office. So he's got the political credentials, including his recent initiatives to have California lead the way in curbing emissions, plus he has the "I'm the coolest 80's action hero ever" thing going as an actor. Him on camera doesn't irritate people like Al Gore would, and he's never once lost to the bad guys. If only I was a Hollywood producer...

As a final aside, just how dumb can news outlets be? Check this headline from Drudge today:

That's right, your average fool would assume that the Black Panthers have decided to regroup in the woods of the state most hostile to their cause, when in fact the article merely reveals that some idiot who likes to hunt was attacked by a panther. Awww, the poor guy is trying to shoot something and instead he gets attacked by a never before seen panther; how dare that panther!


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