More on the Game

I must say I feel somewhat accomplished after my first ever Dr. Seuss impersonation. Now for some more goodies.

Interestingly enough, the non-bigoted fans that call themselves representatives of The Ohio State University sure have got passion. We've all heard of face and chest painting before, but can you say you've ever seen a head painter? That's dedication right there.

Next we move on to what people like me think of when the words Columbus, Ohio pop into our crazy minds. That is, lame conservative country. Didn't this Dbag already win the election? Hasn't he since been proven a total Rtard? You've gotta have true pro-gun, homophobic, pro-religion in the name of exploitation pride to still wear these colors proudly on your puffy North Face. Maybe this guy is actually as dumb as I expect and thought it was a good idea to put a campaign sticker on his back before actually realizing that he would ruin his $300 jacket in the process of removing it. There's so many things wrong with this picture, namely this man's existence.

Next we move on to the legal aspect of things, as I have fond memories of "Must be 21 to Drink" signs hanging in all my residences back in the days of living in Ann Arbor. In Columbus, however, things get a little creative. I don't applaud of the victory party they had the night before, but that's clever sloppy college debauchery right there.

Again, I didn't face any direct threats or harm, but the (un)timely death of Bo Schembechler coupled with amazing athleticism and entertainment added an unprecedented touch of humanity to what most people think of as one awful place on this planet. I also hung out with friendly med students who didn't mind hanging out with the ugly stepsister but who also didn't want to be seen walking with me in the thick of Buckeye territory. For a not so pleasant take on things, check out the experience of MZone, which seems a lot like my experience in Happy Valley last month. What is it with drunken white trash and hating on non-fags? Food for thought as we give thanks to the Puritans for their spreading of disease and slaughter of the Injuns several hundred years ago.

Happy Turkey Day and Go Notre Dame!

These PR's/Blacks/DR's/Mexicans/White Trash are Making me Racist

OK, so the history major in me has managed to link a whole string of unrelated events, which goes something like this:

Walking home to shower on Friday morning with suitcase in tow
Out pop some hispanics and negroes including a hoe
Before I can get me lips on some kegs
These dear assholes bomb me with eggs
Why am I getting Columbus practice in Williamsburg? I say
I thought white trash like to bash a Michigan fan for being gay
Walk quickly away I do
And despite being hit, my pants have not a lousy spec of goo
Picked on by high schoolers I was urged
But clean as a whistle and victorious I emerged.

On to a lame day of work with the loss of our man Bo,
Surely the game must go on tomorrow even though
...So it's off to the airport I must go

Pitstop with Garnish is a success
My high brains are quite the little mess
Get to the airport where my bag is "hot"


Concerned I am because of the small bag of pot

Arrive in Columbus around ten
O-H-I-O they cheer, but I question if any dumb fools know how to use a pen
OSU fans like to wear red at the bar
Despite having music tastes and dancing skills that deserve to be run over by a car
Slightly blacked out I got
Surely it all comes back to the pot
Or maybe perhaps it was that one final shot

Wake up in Single Jew's cousin's bed
As she was nice enough to let me lie dead (went to boyfriends)
Months and months of waiting for gameday have come to a halt
As I would consume major amounts of alcohol and food with salt
Getting harassed by med students not so scary
Especially that one broad who was totally hairy

Arrive to UM tailgate as it decides to end
Ten dollars I should not have been dumb enough to spend
Head is pounding with kickoff in an hour
I score me some Tylenol that feels way better than any shower
...And so I make my way over to Uncle Bobby's tailgate of power

Into the Shoe I enter for first time
Despite looking like a toilet I still bust out this rhyme
...And witness I do one awesome dotting of an I


Game begins amongst a sea of red
Feeling in my throat is that of dread
But little do I know those badass mofos in blue
Can score a quick seven in such a hostile shoe.
Although our fortunes take a turn for the worse
Halftime rolls around but I ain't driving no fucking hearse.

Collect themselves the Wolverines accomplish
While their enemy Troy Smith plays like some varnish
Throw me that INT
And I will show you how to not fall on your knee

This is heating up to be one wild game of chess
Again my brain is a bit of a mess
I am sure that had there been a fifth quarter
Those Fuckeyes would feel just a lil bit shorter
A valiant effort I did witness
But unfortunately Jim Tressel took care of his bidness

Angry at Carr I've finally stopped being this year
So for him I've got nothing but a big ole cheer:
I wish you could have won it for your recently deceased friend
But damn you already made everyone proud this year in that place called South Bend
Game of the century lived up to all its hype
But this time around victorious was that foul type
Unlike my white Jewish ass just one day ago,
As I flipped off those minorities accompanied by hoe.
My experience at the Shoe was not as scary as advertised
But if somehow not just some PR's from day before could be villified...

Again I never felt any personal threat
But leave it to that dumb bitch who is not as hot as Sandra Bullock in The Net
"Our fans proved they are, indeed, 'The Best Fans in the Land.'"
But does OSU president Karen Holbrook know that all they've in fact got is one fucking awesome band?
Some 40 fires, 1 flipped car, and 38 arrests
MZone says that she squashed the press with her hot breasts
An improvement that is hardly not
But a few tricks from Karl Rove she has got

I make it to town of CBus on one awful Sunday
And judging by the look of it I'd say last nights celebrations saw many a mayday.
Wading through vomit and trash
I land myself in a place that serves something better than hash
Potbelly's you have moments of ruling my life
Those flavored peppers make me so hot for more UM-OSU strife

Finishing off that bag of devil weed
Advice to the airport is what I now heed
Single Jew's cousin is the most excellent of hosts
So for you Hallie I present thee a special toast
But pain and misery does not end there
As those fuckers in red won't get out of my hair.

Little do I know that a very fat man who smells like hot dog
Would have the guile to sit next to the writer of this most awesome blog
And so it goes flying to LaGuardia
But even worse the runway is totally facocktia
Try to land as we may
Quickly the plane pulls up over the bay
Second time is finally a charm
Although by this time I'm ready to cause fat man some harm
Baggage claim is clogged and unmanned
So climb over the carousel to get my bag was not so bland
Hail me a cabby I decide
Where it's back to the palace of Garnish and M Pride

Normally my story would be over now
Were it not for a character named Kramer and his inflicting ow
Being that I dreamed of the name of this blog entry
Upon being egged back in BK before going to the game of the cent'ry,
I find it quite ironic indeed
That I show up to work and Drudge says Kramer tried to make the negroes bleed
So I thought of those pretzels that made him so thirsty
And little do I know he's ready for a racial bursty
And so is the title of this sweet ass rhyme
Related to the man who hates the darky not doing time.
Disappointing the white trash was not
But little did I know how all races would be got
So rather than stealing all the spotlight
The whities must now share their honor on this very night
As I now plot away from Brooklyn my flight
These past four days have been quite the plight.

All I can do now is hope
That USC turns out to be a lousy dope
As the Irish drink their way through all them troubles
Hopefully come January they can make a UM fan see doubles.
It is here that I bid you adoo, but please remember
To never mess with Blue
A most proud Wolverine fan I proclaim
As they played their hearts out in one awesome game.

Couple More Thoughts

The band Dead Schembechlers based in Columbus, Ohio isn't so funny right now, but they've extended the courtesy of posting a message on their website as well as all over the UM-OSU blogosphere about how Bo approved of the name and how they never meant any harm, so I guess that's cool.

Secondly, to the ABC/ESPN production staff, I'm not sure who drew the short straws, but you guys have fun staying up all night and putting together a makeshift, tear-inducing, Bo highlight reel, with probably some lame U2 song as the theme.

In an effort to make this blog more interactive and yield more comments than that one dickhead who keeps advertising for his pyramid scheme (still haven't gotten into the regulating comments game), I'm reaching out to you, my readers, to not be afraid and choose your most likely candidate for tear-inducing memories of Bo. You know there has to be a sad song before kickoff, so please do guess. Since all 8 of my readers may not be checkin this bloggy out til after the game, feel free to observe what they actually played and then pick a song to your liking that would have been a better fit for the highlight reel that you will most definitely be watching on your tellies tomorrow. Ok, now I'm really out since I have 15 minutes to pretend to care about wrapping up the jobby job for the week before heading to America's Shittiest Airport. PS last time I was at LaGuardia and delayed to Chicago (May 06), fucking mice were running around the American Airlines terminal, no joke. Let that be a lesson to youse.

:(

Well there's no words to describe the irony of this timing, although it fits well with the fact that he had a heart attack the night before his first Rose Bowl back in 1970; we know what was on your mind Bo. Maybe the Fuckeye fans will spare us their nastiness and our boys in blue will play with a little more unexpected heart in the game. I'm not the hugest of fans (such as Dr. Garnish and Single Jew) and I'm also not that cheesy, but for Wolverines fans this is by far a bigger deal than the Sandlot right now, so I'm gonna have to quote the Great Bambino on this one: "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die." GO BLUE!

MORE ON SATURDAY

From the IM's of Aaron Stone...

Screw OSU

Who's Eating Who?

Today's debauchery begins with HuffPost eating its own words. As one of my favorite source of news/blogging/punditry, Huffington Post has served me well over the past year and a half and is great at bashing those republican asswipes, although now their utility in that field can be solely concentrated on the Decider in Chief and not the GOP Congress. Anyway, as righties bash the "liberal media" and people like Ariana have a section called "Eat the Press," who in fact likes the media if both sides are always ripping on it? Anyway, Ariana's website editor F'd up today and should be making fun of itself, as the following appeared:


Sometimes they bundle headlines together over at HuffPost, but I must say that Google and tornadoes have nothing to do with each other, although I'm sure we can mess around with Google Earth in the next few days and check out the devastation. I'm not even too sure that Google operates anywhere in the entire state of North Carolina, although this would make a good accusation story on Blogs for Bush (everything that comes out of those asshole's mouths makes me cringe), how those liberal Silicon Valley bastards cause tornadoes with their power over the "internets" and how their hybrid cars are in fact destroying the environment, as we all witnessed in South Park's infamous "Smug Alert."

South Park I say? Well for once in my life I think that Trey Parker and Matt Stone went from offensively hilarious to whack and tasteless. I've endured it all and seen every episode probably at least 2 or 3 times, but the actual lack of humor in last nights episode coupled with the just not being cool at all, well I actually didn't enjoy those thirty minutes for the first time in quite a long time. I could take the Steve Irwin jokes, and even appreciated the fact that they were building on controversy that the press picked up from Satan's "Hell on Earth" bash from a couple weeks ago, but that's where they should have stopped if you ask me. Especially because it seems to be the first time that the wonderful sport of hockey was covered, I was upset that its one of the worst episodes in memory for me. The idea of burdening Stan with the personal problems of his players is brilliant, but those guys got off a little too much on the fact that they burdened him with something that they went out of their way to make the audience feel most uncomfortable.

Have you ever been fortunate enough to drink Silk Milk? I can finally enjoy my Cheerios without the burden of running to the bathroom, and all you Jews out there know exactly what I'm talking about, as I have not met a single Jew on this entire planet that isn't slightly "lactose sensitive." Additionally, being a huge fan of edamame, that's pretty much what soy milk tastes like to me.

After facing a scare just a couple days ago that the ticket for this weekend's big game promised to me had vanished in thin air, I am happy to report that I'm the proud possessor of said ticket. With that, I'll give you a Longhorn's take on this classic matchup, as we have T-minus 52 hours to go.

On one final note, I have not yet seen "Borat" simply because I rarely make it to the theatres, but there's no way I'm missing this one. The PR this man did leading up to the release is great. I sometimes feel bad for his subjects, but he has proven that he is the most brilliant and taking what others have to say out of context and actually trying to prove something. Well maybe I'm giving him too much credit now, but the attention this man has received is remarkable and the fact that people take what he has to say at all seriously is quite impressive. Here he is out of character commenting on his recent successes.

On to Kazakhstan, did you know that they eat horse there? I remember seeing that Times article about a year ago sometime in December, but this country has received quite the misguided PR since then. However, all I can think about is the Warren Miller film I watched with Kramer a few months ago, in which they journey to the back country of Kazakhstan (after eating horse). The former commy lift operator goes, "good snow, but if you ski, I think you will die" (because of avalanche). Anyway I can't find that clip, but here's a 6 minute trailer on YouTube of what seems to be an upcoming flick, despite the fact that I had no idea this guy still skis at the age of 94, or however old he is.

Maybe some random tidbits will pop up before leaving for Columbus, but otherwise you won't be hearing from me until my hopefully triumphant return. GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Buck the Fuckeyes.

?

As the rabble rabble leading up to this week's game heats up, Chris Perry has decided to talk a tough game for a team that he no longer plays for, including such comments as:

[Troy Smith] shouldn't even win the Heisman. He's not going to win his league or the national championship. We all know what's going to happen. We're going to win it. It's been long overdue. Tressel's been cheating. So, hey, we're going to keep it real. There ain't nothing else to say.

It is upsetting to us all that this guy is the most recent Wolverine to have beaten the Fuckeyes in the past 5 years, but I think he's getting a little ahead of himself and might want to keep it cool. Either way I don't know why it's only in the Dayton news as of now and not ESPN.

Other important notes are the 25th anniversary of the death of Bob Ufer, whose name I had heard before but didn't know who the hell he was until reading this article. Other important notes include the city of Columbus has advised no one to park in the streets because of errant matches, cigarette butts, and of course...people lighting gas tanks on fire. U of M has decided to dispatch some of its own officers to the game, although not for emergency purposes ("excuse me, I seem to have lost my wallet" doesn't seem to help much). Anyway, I'm not too sure where I heard the "Toilet" reference as substitute to the more common "Shoe," but take a look for yourselves and tell me you don't think of taking a dump when viewing this seating chart (just don't go on 35a where myself and other Wolverines will be chilling).


On an unrelated note but just as sloppy drunk as OSU fans, check this video of Denis Leary as he continues his pummeling of that lovely Mel Gibson:

"Continues?" you ask. Yes, if you have not been fortunate enough to have seen him in the BoSox booth this past summer, well check it out, but I don't feel like tracking down the link on YouTube.

Thought nothing good comes of the UM-OSU rivalry? Well think again: Courtesy of everyone's favorite single Jew...

With fans scrambling to obtain tickets to Saturday's Michigan-Ohio State football game, a couple is auctioning off their seats to raise money to adopt a boy from Guatemala. Ken and Kristie Sigler have season tickets in the closed end of Ohio Stadium, about 10 rows from the field. They have put the two tickets up for sale on eBay, hoping the payout helps defray the $12,500 cost to begin processing their adoption paperwork.

Alright I'm out of material here, except for the fact that vertical business cards really piss me off.

Testing Blogger Beta

This seems the same but I'm sure I'll manage to F something up.

Anyway, sorry for my lack of posting but it's just not easy being at your desk for only 4 of the last 10 business days, which culminated with a 445am wake up this past Friday morning.

While I am happy for these two thinking men who now get to toke up within the confines of their teaching facilities, how much thinking can take place if we take note of the following?:

He now uses a special vaporizer that he says allows him to absorb the medical components of marijuana without the residues that come from smoking a joint.

Have you ever been fortunate enough to hit the Volcano? While I know herbing up is arguably not very conducive to being a productive professor, not a soul on this planet can safely state that these guys will be more productive as they vape their brains away rather than just lighting up a little doob.

On to more insignificant news, but still a loss for the integrity of stadium names, the Mets have decided to whore themselves out to Citibank for 20 years by renaming the new Shea Stadium to CitiField.

Now for all you South Park fans out there, what do you think a ShittyField is going to do for our plide? Will eating Shitty Beef at Shitty Wok for $18 a prate make me feer any better about observing basebarr at America's shittiest stadium? They should rename only the current Shea Stadium, which in reality is by far America's shittiest baseball field. Thanks for helping on this one Dr. Garnish.

PS

Totally psyched about the Dems taking the House and what seems to be the Senate. I unfortunately have no hopes of them being effective, but at least people who I agree with more can stifle Laura's boy GDubs for the next couple of years.

Donald Rumsfeld: fuck you big guy, go experiment in the art of war with a brand spankin new PS3 and not with what was once the world's most powerful brigade of armed forces. Cheney: I only wish you were next. Speaker Nancy sounds funny and I'm sure she'll get annoying fast, so all you lefties such as myself please try and enjoy the glory of the moment. I'll try and refrain from any more political speak cause I'm quite pleased and should stop complaining for the moment.

Vegness

That would be the String Cheese Incident's heady pet nickname for the craziest town in the US, but that is actually from the Halloween festivities of 2005, and we'll revisit how they weren't nearly as cool this year in a lil bit.

Firstly, I'm sure that all of the non-ghetto hotel/resorts of Vegas can all claim to be the shit, but being that the MGM Grand is the only place I've stayed at, that place is totally the shit. Good young crowd mixed in with the MidWesterners prone to Time Square, but I feel that anything fancier than that place will yield too many prim and propers for my liking. The Times Square crowd also keeps the cut off T's and wifebeaters for the crappier places, so they are a fairly reputable bunch of standard whities if you ask me.

How they got the place to be so bright green is beyond me, but it's pretty sweet. OK so first night (Friday) don't get settled til midnight, decide to party hard enough that leaving the MGM would be both futile and way too confusing. Being that L-dawg works for CAA and gets rooms with nice views at casino rates, that makes things a lil easier when your elevator shaft doesn't take 20 minutes to get to from the main lobby and that an all night bar with a good crowd is right by said elevator shaft.

Vegoose Day 1 -
Raconteurs - I had high expectations and they didn't let me down. I'm particularly Rtarded when it comes to song names, but they played a mean and heavy blues guitar on their last track, which I believe is some well known cover they do.

Damion "Jr. Gong" Marley - Fairly unoriginal for taking his fathers beats and choruses, but still puts down some nasty raps and rhymes to complement the slow reggae we all know and love. There would have been a riot sans Jamrock, but he saved it for an encore and made my day.

Mars Volta - I can see why they are cool and crazy, but even under the influence of THC, I couldn't bob my head back and forth to make any sense out of what they were playing. A bit of a disappointment considering the hype, but I still dig them.

The Killers - Have got me into the poppier side of rock these days, and they definitely kicked some ass on stage. Kudos to them, I would certainly revisit at another venue.

Tom Petty - Nice to hear classics, but the cold as balls conditions and long day perpetuated an early exit to the shuttle bus back to the strip.

A good first day it was, with brief audio enchantments from Yonder Mountain, J5 (never liked them), and Keller Williams. Must've also heard Yard Dogs Road Show cause they played like 7 sets in 2 days.

Get back to MGM, load up on party materials, and head to the Orleans Arena for Phil & Trey. Sound was good but the Vegas cops were arresting sketchy hippies left and right, total buzz kill. In order to avoid having to walk home after the concert like last year (through a sketchy ravine nonetheless), left early and caught a cab with no line. Even with the extra hour it was still almost 4am. Back to the safe house with no cops that is the MGM, and sleep for the next day.

Vegoose Day 2-
Fiona Apple - Was totally trying to be Janis Joplin but totally in a good way. Also totally on drugs, she couldn't have been faking the fact that she was sad about it being her last show with her current band but in reality found it funny. No sense = totally high on something fun.

Phil & Trey - skipped out on them cause twice in 12 hours is overkill, but supposedly they sucked (unlike the night before)

G Love - Better than I thought, even jammed out a bit

Ben Folds - Made fun of jam bands and jammed out, supposedly known for his spontaneous lyrics, and boy they were awesome. Very pleased with the result of seeing that one.

Roots - Went back to back with Ben Folds for ripping on jam bands, also followed by extremely cool jamming out to rock classics, none of which I can remember but all 15+ were awesome.

Jim James (of My Morning Jacket) - Biggest unexpected treat of the festival. I like his band but didn't know he'd be so cool solo, not to mention the fact that it was not budgeted in my schedule. MMJ in its entirety is playing Roseland on Nov 30th, going to buy tickets at Irving Plaza box office to avoid Ticketmaster fees as soon as I can get myself to get there before 630pm closing time. Totally wicked awesome, and it was the one show I saw in the small tent (nice and intimate)

Pre Jim James - Can you say wedding chapel at cracked out hippy music festival? Only in Vegas! LRod and I witnessed people who presumably had no idea what was going on walking down the aisle to a nasty [good] cover of Ozzy's "Mama I'm Comin Home." Where else can something so ridiculous happen? NOWHERE. A wonderful treat that was as well, and it seemed that the hippies were lining up in droves.

Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins - Heard a bit of them and I liked the country twang.

Widespread - Sounded awesome but again it was freezing and I was seeing them Monday night. Shuttle bus home #2

String Cheese Late Night - Good pre-gaming at the MGM, L-Dawg and I fly solo to another sketchy night at the Orleans Arena - between girlfriends had enough and despondent other hippy friends being very despondent about having to pay $40 more for late night ticket - all is looking good for crazy night as a random pair...But they were so much better last year (covered Thriller) and without the acrobatics of me being incredibly wasted, the attractive trapeze/rope/roof dancers, the hired ghosts bobbing through the floor crowd, the show would have been nothing. String Cheese officially sucks and I actually never liked them anyway except for the fact that they were really good last year (the first time I ever saw them live). Cops were way less annoying but I did see 5 of them pummel the crap out of a wiggin out ate too much acid hippy - a very not pleasant sight.

Day festival now over (Monday), sleep in, Laurence won't wake up. The artist formerly known as Samson stops by and talks about how weird it is playing black jack with hippies who have openly declared that they ate a ton of acid and E and decided that gambling is the best thing to do. But only in Vegas is that okay with the hotel staff...until they ran out of money and got booted (but not busted). MGM increases its awesomeness stature with me as the Widespread show is in the friggin building. When's the last time you left during set break and ordered room service? That's what I thought.

Other random but wonderful cracked out moments include - Miami Vice is an awful movie at not worth the $12 pay per view. Good late night movies included Home Alone, I Know What You Did Last Summer, something else, and the 4th quarter of the Michigan Northwestern game on a 3am ESPN replay.

So another wonderful Halloween and a bunch of crazy costumes (I failed to dress up), and it's back home Tuesday afternoon. I wisely took Wednesday off because last year was a nightmare at work and I wanted to avoid a repeat. MGM and Vegoose rock, but unfortunately the promoters sold only half as many tickets as last year and lost a lot of money. As much as I love Vegas, I have now spent a total of almost 8 days of my life there and have placed zero bets. Without hippy rock fest I'm not too sure if I'll be able to make annual trips out of this. I beg the promoters and all the fans who never knew this spectacle existed to come out next year for one last attempt to make it a profitable weekend, although the chances of this happening are slim if I had to guess. Hippies descending upon Vegas and causing mass confusion in the hotel lobbies and elevators is well worth the confused as hell looks on all the other tourists' faces, so I do hope this wasn't my last Vegoose experience.

There I finally did it, hope I didn't miss any awesome details that I mighta remembered last week, but I think I got it all.

Get out and...

Stop drinking bottled beer, not vote asshole. I may complain about politics all the time, but in an effort to remain 0-0 in jury duty and never find out if I have the skills at being fake-racist, I have so far refused to register as an NYC voter. Westchester County apparently just doesn't get it, and I'm gonna remain on their voter logs for as long as they don't send me a summons. So I complain about rednecks and pissed of Muslims all the time, right? Well what's the excuse for these sign-waving dingbats? Do they also not have jobs that they need to support their favorite losers on election day? Get a life asswipes, although I do hope that that other guy in Virginia loses to Webb.


Now back to the lack of bottled beer. In an attempt not to plagiarize the findings of others, I will provide you the link to Michigan Zone, where they very eloquently explain how retarded the people of Columbus, Ohio are. Almost got into trouble on Saturday by overlooking Ball [Sac] State, but for me to attempt to worry about Indiana when the people of Ohio (except for Tim Timmmayyy) are so goddam stupid that it requires more than one week's worth of ripping on them before the big game, well that should come as no surprise.

Just one quote though, then the rest of the commentary is up to MZone:
"Our students drink cheap beer, so the foreign beers are not a problem," [said Willie Young, Director of off-campus student services]. "You never see those bottles in the neighborhood."

Self-loathing Jews have never been my type, but self-loving white trash dbags really rub me the wrong way. The Daily Show also does a good job of embracing the UM OSU rivalry, so be sure to check out the clip up on MZone as well.

In a non-Mzone related piece of Columbus trashdom, the "related" links under the DS YouTube clip have a link to a 6 minute flick about the awesomeness that is Ohio State fandom. This is from 2002 when they ended up winning the national championship, I only wish I could say that it was from a bad season when they didn't even care, but maybe this is them at their worst afterall

Not a Drug?

Today's ridiculousness is centered around my favorite substance, which Bob Sagat claims is not worth sucking dick for...Even if delivered? Actually this article is like 6 years too late, but in case you didn't already know, you should check out this writer's amazement and enthusiasm.

We all know how cops feel about the ganja - that being an opportunity to beat the crap out of anyone with their billy clubs - but what about when they consume it against their own will? Well, if you guessed that the perps get charged with aggravated battery on an officer (a felony), then you guessed right. Oh you Burger King workers, you should've stuck with the phlegm. When will these pigs start appreciating the munchies induced and therefore the extra donuts consumed? I guess it's not too surprising when fat white guys with mustacchios don't exactly think outside of the box, not to mention the fact that a few sprinkles of unsmoked weed in a hamburger doesn't seem to do anything anyway. I applaud these lame duck minimum wage workers for their efforts, but not their creativity or success.

This is great

Intrepid stuck in the mud.

Nothing like trying to move a ship and not knowing that its propellers have permanently dug it in the ground. Shouldn't they have sent some scuba guys down there to check the situation before assuming it would go flawlessly?

Wish I took a picture of the row of porta potties at South 3rd and Bedford yesterday, but you'll just have to imagine them instead. Missed the marathon but supposedly it's quite the party.

Haven't forgotten about Vegas, but I'm better off not forgetting about my job. More to come...

Back off Maude...

That Mark Cuban couldn't get any sillier than this. I especially like it when he says "I'll just keep a little diary," just like an upset schoolgirl. In reality, this Cuban guy is probably raging that he can no longer make Dairy Queen insults.


More (more like something other than this picture) on Vegoose to follow, but no work Mon-Wed and no boss because he's on honeymoon = blogger gets little lovin. Me so hornay say Adam's Mad World