Tuesday, November 21, 2006

These PR's/Blacks/DR's/Mexicans/White Trash are Making me Racist

OK, so the history major in me has managed to link a whole string of unrelated events, which goes something like this:

Walking home to shower on Friday morning with suitcase in tow
Out pop some hispanics and negroes including a hoe
Before I can get me lips on some kegs
These dear assholes bomb me with eggs
Why am I getting Columbus practice in Williamsburg? I say
I thought white trash like to bash a Michigan fan for being gay
Walk quickly away I do
And despite being hit, my pants have not a lousy spec of goo
Picked on by high schoolers I was urged
But clean as a whistle and victorious I emerged.

On to a lame day of work with the loss of our man Bo,
Surely the game must go on tomorrow even though
...So it's off to the airport I must go

Pitstop with Garnish is a success
My high brains are quite the little mess
Get to the airport where my bag is "hot"

Concerned I am because of the small bag of pot

Arrive in Columbus around ten
O-H-I-O they cheer, but I question if any dumb fools know how to use a pen
OSU fans like to wear red at the bar
Despite having music tastes and dancing skills that deserve to be run over by a car
Slightly blacked out I got
Surely it all comes back to the pot
Or maybe perhaps it was that one final shot

Wake up in Single Jew's cousin's bed
As she was nice enough to let me lie dead (went to boyfriends)
Months and months of waiting for gameday have come to a halt
As I would consume major amounts of alcohol and food with salt
Getting harassed by med students not so scary
Especially that one broad who was totally hairy

Arrive to UM tailgate as it decides to end
Ten dollars I should not have been dumb enough to spend
Head is pounding with kickoff in an hour
I score me some Tylenol that feels way better than any shower
...And so I make my way over to Uncle Bobby's tailgate of power

Into the Shoe I enter for first time
Despite looking like a toilet I still bust out this rhyme
...And witness I do one awesome dotting of an I

Game begins amongst a sea of red
Feeling in my throat is that of dread
But little do I know those badass mofos in blue
Can score a quick seven in such a hostile shoe.
Although our fortunes take a turn for the worse
Halftime rolls around but I ain't driving no fucking hearse.

Collect themselves the Wolverines accomplish
While their enemy Troy Smith plays like some varnish
Throw me that INT
And I will show you how to not fall on your knee

This is heating up to be one wild game of chess
Again my brain is a bit of a mess
I am sure that had there been a fifth quarter
Those Fuckeyes would feel just a lil bit shorter
A valiant effort I did witness
But unfortunately Jim Tressel took care of his bidness

Angry at Carr I've finally stopped being this year
So for him I've got nothing but a big ole cheer:
I wish you could have won it for your recently deceased friend
But damn you already made everyone proud this year in that place called South Bend
Game of the century lived up to all its hype
But this time around victorious was that foul type
Unlike my white Jewish ass just one day ago,
As I flipped off those minorities accompanied by hoe.
My experience at the Shoe was not as scary as advertised
But if somehow not just some PR's from day before could be villified...

Again I never felt any personal threat
But leave it to that dumb bitch who is not as hot as Sandra Bullock in The Net
"Our fans proved they are, indeed, 'The Best Fans in the Land.'"
But does OSU president Karen Holbrook know that all they've in fact got is one fucking awesome band?
Some 40 fires, 1 flipped car, and 38 arrests
MZone says that she squashed the press with her hot breasts
An improvement that is hardly not
But a few tricks from Karl Rove she has got

I make it to town of CBus on one awful Sunday
And judging by the look of it I'd say last nights celebrations saw many a mayday.
Wading through vomit and trash
I land myself in a place that serves something better than hash
Potbelly's you have moments of ruling my life
Those flavored peppers make me so hot for more UM-OSU strife

Finishing off that bag of devil weed
Advice to the airport is what I now heed
Single Jew's cousin is the most excellent of hosts
So for you Hallie I present thee a special toast
But pain and misery does not end there
As those fuckers in red won't get out of my hair.

Little do I know that a very fat man who smells like hot dog
Would have the guile to sit next to the writer of this most awesome blog
And so it goes flying to LaGuardia
But even worse the runway is totally facocktia
Try to land as we may
Quickly the plane pulls up over the bay
Second time is finally a charm
Although by this time I'm ready to cause fat man some harm
Baggage claim is clogged and unmanned
So climb over the carousel to get my bag was not so bland
Hail me a cabby I decide
Where it's back to the palace of Garnish and M Pride

Normally my story would be over now
Were it not for a character named Kramer and his inflicting ow
Being that I dreamed of the name of this blog entry
Upon being egged back in BK before going to the game of the cent'ry,
I find it quite ironic indeed
That I show up to work and Drudge says Kramer tried to make the negroes bleed
So I thought of those pretzels that made him so thirsty
And little do I know he's ready for a racial bursty
And so is the title of this sweet ass rhyme
Related to the man who hates the darky not doing time.
Disappointing the white trash was not
But little did I know how all races would be got
So rather than stealing all the spotlight
The whities must now share their honor on this very night
As I now plot away from Brooklyn my flight
These past four days have been quite the plight.

All I can do now is hope
That USC turns out to be a lousy dope
As the Irish drink their way through all them troubles
Hopefully come January they can make a UM fan see doubles.
It is here that I bid you adoo, but please remember
To never mess with Blue
A most proud Wolverine fan I proclaim
As they played their hearts out in one awesome game.


Blogger Matthew said...

impressive son.


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