Monday, October 16, 2006

Football teams with "queer" fans are damn good - Ironic

Ok, so my smugness as a Michigan fan is reigning supreme. Our crowd is 110k strong at the Big House, yet the noise factor is more like the current crowd at Yankee Stadium (zing). I wanted Coach Carr's head on a platter last year, yet now he's probably the coolest person ever. The team wins but the fans are babies - finally after 7 years as a Wolverines fan I think I've figured it out - the only alternative option to being smug and never happy is to be the white trash that I encountered just 48 hours ago in Happy Valley. I choose the former, while the latter influenced me to be even more smug. As Gerald Broflovski would say...THAAAANNKS!

Ohio State and Michigan, the two Big Ten superpowers. Love to hate them and love to hate each other, but people from Columbus express their hatred through spitting, throwing full cans of beer at Michigan fans' heads (only white trash wastes cheap beer on aiming for the brains of others), and even calling my friend's girlfriend a liberal Kerry fag just two weeks after the rednecks had already taken the 2004 election [in the most contentious state]. Fast forward nearly two years to State College, PA, and I must say my hopes were much higher than what they will be on November 18 when I go to Columbus for possibly the greatest UM OSU classic of all time (still gotta keep the fingers crossed for battle of the undefeateds).

Anyway, back to warming up for Columbus rather than feeling welcomed for a gridiron classic. "Ann Arbor is a whore" shirts were rampant, but one "Buy a Vowel" Zryb pointed out after the game that she's "the best lay ever," or perhaps maybe just "the classiest whore in the Big Ten," and last I checked classy whores cost a lot of money, so pay up you Penn State cockbags, cause Lady Ann has thoroughly fucked your brains out.

(photo courtesy of MGoBlog, and yes I'd say this dude be fucked)

My other friends had pleasant experiences with their seating rivals, but after just the first play one fat white trash mofo grabbed me and exclaimed that "[I'd] better sit down if I want to leave Beaver Stadium alive," to which I would have liked to respond, "not before your trailer gets burnt to the ground," but from which I wisely refrained. Another even fatter white man yelled at me for dropping an f-bomb after the killer touchdown from Henne to Adrian Arrington, for which I was required to apologize to his unattractive wife, not the 7 year old sitting two rows in front of me. Just moments later these double-standardizing Rtards were swearing away due to a lack of brain cells and social skills, which left me feeling none too happy. The one guy who mightve saved me from sheer pummelling did it only to boost his low self esteem and intent to patronize me for being a city slicker Michigan fan, and I was also none too happy with having to step over his spittoon pile every time LRod and I chose to make it to the aisle. I'll give these ass lickers credit for subduing a most annoying Michigan fan, but unfortunately that was the only pride that they wore as they left Beaver Stadium in a stupified haze accompanied by fuzzies in riot gear whose presence were not required.

I held out hope that some of Michigan's other rivals' fans are not high-end douches, but they have proven me wrong. Although students are often less vicious than their local counterparts, I was called every derogatory homo-bashing word that you could think of while patroling the student zone before the game with my girlfriend's hand in mine. That's not too bright if you ask me, but they did seem to keep the threats of violence on the shelf for their dumbass local fan base to exploit. Bravo PSU students, but as we Wolveriners say, "We Own, Penn State." Better luck in the next life and I may make a trip to that classy whore Ann Arbor to return the favor next year, or perhaps just to show off how much better I think my favorite college football team is, not how big a dickbag I can be to you. To all you people that think I'm an asshole after reading this column, you either already knew that or totally feel me on where I'm coming from. Cheers.

One much appreciated student comment came from bitter herb's younger sister's roommate, who declared the morning after that she felt "second-hand embarassment" when the Nittany Lion danced to Men in Black during the game. Tooshay bitter herb's younger sister's roomate, tooshay.

And by the way, why can't these rabid fans just leave the violence to the man-eating football players on the field, as Larry Coker and company so eloquently displayed on Saturday? Notice the thugged out pro-Miami announcer, I think someone should suspend his black ass for encouraging that (although nothing entertains me like violence on the playing surface).


Blogger A Labovitz said...

To fill you in, that Miami announcer has already been fired. What an idiot that guy was...

Blogger Adam said...

Haha that's awesome I had no idea, thanks for the update. I guess his black ass was fired, now I'm gonna go guilt myself for thinking I had a part in it...


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