Jimmy Who?

From NBC News in San Diego:

"What a slap in the face to American workers, opening the highways to dangerous trucks on Labor Day weekend, one of the busiest driving weekends of the year," said Teamsters President Jim Hoffa.

So the president of the mafia connected Teamsters' Union that supposedly isn't as shady as it used to be is run by the legendary mobster's son? I did not know that, but quite ironic. They gave W a second chance for his family at making things right, and look what happened with that.

Something ain't right, especially when Decider decides that allowing trucks full of Mexicans into the country is okay. Not too sure how I feel about NAFTA, but I can guarantee that Decider decided this with the best of intentions for his corporate cronies in mind if he's willing to compromise his Republican base's stance on immigration and illegal border crossings.

Viva Los Hamptons

Not much to say. For an unknown reason I read a NYTimes article about rich little girls riding horsies, saw this picture, and found it pretty hilarious. Perhaps worthy of a caption?

"Hey Christie, did you know I used to beat the shit out of Billy Joel when we were growing up? How about you take a ride with me on the Downeaster Alexa?"

GONZO

Now that this reputable piece of shit is gone, I need to at least take credit for thinking of "Gonzo" as a good headline before I saw it all over the AM, Metro, Post, and Daily News yesterday. It's always very reassuring to know that I can come up with the same crappy and mildly hilarious headlines that our tabloids are known for.

Unfortunately, what do you really expect of all this? Remember how you also despise Ashcroft (who now seems like a blessing compared to this idiot that succeeded him), Rumsfeld, Harriet Miers, Karl Rove, Scott McClellan, George Tenet, blah blah blah the list goes on. But just as the John Ashcroft succeeded by Alberto Gonzalez episode has taught us, there is no reason whatsoever to celebrate, other than the fact that a pro-torture, lying through his teeth muthaf***a is now widely known as the piece o shit that he has always been.

Clearly these fools resign (W never fires his incompetent staff) because they're trying to avoid a pending shit storm, not because they care about anything but themselves. As much as these people deserve to be flogged and stoned in the public square and I enjoy seeing their personal demises, this country has not once been bettered by the replacement of a W cabinet member.

Wait, I'm getting a vision, and it's Gonzo getting the inevitable Medal of Freedom for being a total dickwad. Why? Because W likes him, not because he did anything for this country:

If there's anything 8 years of W has taught us, it's that shit only gets worse and that problems are replaced, not fixed. The one shining star was supposed to be replacing Rumsfeld with Gates, but all that's given us is the chance to watch W put all his faith behind the generals who toe the company line, rather than the arrogant civilian commander who did so before them. The "reasonable" guy from W's father's presidency is only there to placate the people who were fed up with a civilian fucking up, so now they've allowed military commanders to do so.

Luckily we have another homo-erotic GOP member of Congress, because without that, some of the heat on these fools might have subsided.

Other than that, all we've got is a most awesome wedding of my two friends this past Sunday, an awful Monday morning after, Greece is burning, Bill Maher's got a new season of Real Time, Leona Helmsley left tons of cash to her dog, and I got lectured by an NYU student about how busy he is when I was trying to sell Single Jew's TV to him:

Honestly, it's Welcome week, so there is not a heck of a lot of leeway for time

Honestly, piece o crap NYU Freshman, don't lecture somebody with a job about how little time you have between testing out your neighbor's new bong and puking in the dorm shower. I too was once naive, but the last thing I tried to do was lecture someone about how the most fun week of your life (first freedom from your parents) doesn't afford enough time to go buy a TV that will most certainly be watched for days at a time.

I Heart Republicans

It's time like these that I wish I had cable. In general I'm happy not to have it, because I'd probably just watch Sportscenter to the point of royally pissing off my lady friend, not to mention the fact that it's always a good idea to pre-emptively stop her from watching the Lifetime Channel (though I do remember one time when they showed the movie Goodfellas - mull on that). However, right now I REALLY want to see Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert talk about the likes of Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, and former Att. Gen. Alfonzo Gonzalez.

Let's start with Senator Craig, who apparently was picking up some dudes in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport. All I can say is that the whole description of the scenario is pretty priceless. At least he wasn't picking up dudes in LaGuardia's bathrooms, though, because that would have been disgusting. As the link states, his voting record is firmly anti-gay, and he believes that employers should be able to discriminate based on sexual orientation. Well, he's employed by the people of the great state of Idaho, but his term's up in 2008. We'll see how that one goes.

Ted Haggard has realized that every new beginning leads to some other beginning's end, and is back to school. This link states that Ole Teddy Boy received a severance package worth $138,000 after he was let go from his megachurch when it was discovered that he'd been doing a bunch of meth and having gay sex with a male hooker. Now I don't know about you, but as an econ major I find it a little fishy that a pastor was given $138,000 AFTER doing meth and having gay sex with a male prostitute. Maybe I'm just far removed from the world of Christian Evangelicals, but the incentives they've created seem to be a little out of whack. I'm guessing that gay meth heads all over the country are currently looking for ways to cash in on their evil ways.

3 more comments about the Ted Haggard thing:
1) I love that his wife has chosen to study psychology. That's pretty much saying, "My husband totally fucked up my life, and now I'm trying to figure out how a person can be so freaking hypocritical and creepy. Perhaps if I study the depths of the human psyche I will gain some kernel of understanding of this freak."
2) Ted, whose house is worth $700K, somehow thinks people should donate money to the cause of his education. There are kids starving in Micronesia, and fat kids in Mississippi, and this fucking jack-off thinks people should be devoting their money to him!? This guy is not doing God's work.
3) Teddy, oh Teddy, why do you feel that you would be good at counseling? My cat offers better advice than you, and he's been turning tricks on Skid Row for 8 years. If you were going back to school for something that actually made you employable, something like medical transcription, that would have been a good idea. The world needs more medical transcriptionists; it does not need more counseling from gay Christian meth-heads.

Last but not least, Alberto Gonzales. You'll be missed, buddy. Personally I'd describe you as a giant amongst men. Your former boss pretty much hit the nail on the head, and I'd be remiss not to quote him here:

Our country needs a credible, effective attorney general who can work with Congress on critical issues ranging from immigration to investigating terrorism at home and abroad. Alberto Gonzales’s resignation will finally allow a new attorney general to take on this task. - Senator John Sununu, R-N.H.

Oh wait, that wasn't a quote from W. Well, you get the point.

Cruel Indeed

As Mister Lister has pointed out, life is great yet cruel. I truthfully have nothing to complain about, but hey this is about the 100th title I've had to come up with (with the recent addition of Mister Lister, our 108 combined postings put me somewhere around 100) for a posting and it's just cruel sometimes thinking so hard about two words.

What's also cruel is sitting here with my Bloody Mary on the couch inside of a house on an island that would be more perfect if I were outside. Then again, I didn't take the day off and am basking in my last quarter share weekend of Flamin Island, both reminiscing about the wonderful treatment it has provided me as well as the fact that this counts as work for me, although waking up at 6:30 in the morning was one of my most challenging challenges to date.

Is thinking about my 25 year old friend's wedding on Sunday also cruel? Because this is in fact the second one of its kind and it's getting pretty crazy for me, although this allows me to get more wear out of the tux that I bought at Syms for a not so cruel price. So much cruelty in the LBC, it's kinda not so hard bein an American chillin on the beach, but seriously why is our more retarded than cruel president allowed to vacation?

Why is it okay that Decider and Congress are allowed to criticize the Iraqi government for taking an August vacation? Lets see...Congress authorizes Decider's war because Iraq should have a government modeled on ours, yet now that Iraq is supposed to model itself on the US they can't take the same vacation that our government takes? I understand they're at war, but perhaps the people that got them into that situation should also be criticized for taking an August vacation? NYT pointed that out today that somehow we're allowed to blame these fools that we wanted to manipulate in such an exact way, yet not ourselves?

I think not. That's like peeing on someone's carpet, blaming them for not having any Resolve, going out and buying a cheap alternative for them, and blaming them that their carpet shouldn't have been there in the first place. Seriously, we could've made this right during the act of pissing, during the window of opportunity when the Resolve was needed, during the time that we decided to get the cheap alternative instead, and now it is no longer an option to make things right during the time when we're blaming them for having the carpet there in the first place. For those of you who think I'm crazy, the carpet is a euphemism for Muslim brothers killing each other because it's sexy. Seriously, what total crazy fucks they are, but their fuckin houses were carpeted people, and we shouldn't have taken our pisses on it if we don't want them pissing on the carpet as well (the carpet in this instance is Barbara Bush's head).

Alright, I'm kind of pleased with that ramble making sense to me. Me, as in the person who has now finished a bloody mary and enjoyed some natural greenery in suffering through the cruelty of not sitting on the beach. But what's not cruel is the fact that the weather has been heinous for two weeks but it is perfectly gorgeous outside and is supposed to do the same tomorrow for me.

On one more "seriously pissed off," Cartman like, cruelty feeling note, I saw Acts III and IV of Spike Lee's "When the Levees Broke" on HBO last night, and it's pretty gut wrenching. Perhaps it's because we need an HBO special to remind us, but how has this been allowed to happen?
Does someone like me have the right to complain that it's disgraceful what has happened since Decider decided to fly his luxurious jumbo jet over New Orleans and pretend to insist on helping people in need? Am I allowed to complain about this if I haven't done anything other than attend a Disco Biscuits inspired fundraiser almost two years ago?

It's certainly unfair to complain about Decider not living up to his promises, as he is incapable of any compassion that might suggest the government is responsible for actually helping people in need or that it has the slightest socialist undertones (duh aren't we all born rich and spoiled?). Seriously though, I pay my taxes, and as much as Republicans hate them, they have no right to make them as ineffective as they have, and lazy people like me shouldn't have to justify that one can only complain about injustice if we're out there smoking our pot in the streets as the fuzz hose us with water cannons and unleash their vicious K-9's on dang hippy protesters.

Cruelty comes in so many forms, both selfish and universal, so I guess that at this point all I can say is I'm going to go take my quasi-long weekend, sing a koombaya song for Fire Island, watch my friend get married, and show up at work feeling like total shit on Monday because I had to endure one cruel ass weekend. Certainly doesn't seem as selfish and unjustifiable as lamo politicians pointing the vacation finger at one another...

Sigh.

Less than 7 days ago I was camping out at the above location. Now I am sitting at a cubicle. Life is wonderful yet cruel.

More posts to come about the Pacific Northwest, Vancouver junkies, border crossings, cheap American beer, and more...

Da Funk

Ever since hearing about Daft Punk's performance at Coachella last year (watch it here), I have craved a live performance of the quasi-gay (simply because they are French) alien costume wearing, cheesy techno blaring, duo. Last week not only did that dream of mine come true, but I killed a second bird with one stone by making my first journey to Coney Island.

A paltry subway ride it was not, but I still had time to score a fish and chips and a staple giant beer at the original Nathan's (it is very large) and was unfortunately unable to check out the boardwalk. I don't claim to have walked through history, but next year brings major development and construction to what seems to be a still fairly dilapidated neighborhood, so I'm glad I got to see it in its current state. After the most miserable subway ride home (no express train at midnight) that I've ever experienced, I was sure it might be awhile til my return to Coney Island, but anyway onto the show.

The costumes rule and the lights are killer. It's too bad that a former jam band fan such as myself is used to two full sets, but what the hell they played for a good couple of hours and did a fancy encore. I tried blaming the stadium curfew, but supposedly it's pretty standard for them, which left me craving more, and more I will get come this Fall's Halloween party in Vegas, as that is the next show in their lineup. Sweet...

Not sure about this one

Hillary Clinton says, "Americans work harder than anyone else in the world, yet we're not getting rewarded."

Oh please Hill, I love it when you bash the White House, but Obama's got an Obama Girl, and if you had a Hillary Girl then that would just make you a lesbian, and gay people don't seem to be electable. Okay, but seriously this time: saying that Americans are the hardest working in the world is beyond a non-truth, as I have the leisure of writing this blog and people have the leisure of showing up in the middle of the day to your campaign stops. Maybe they're unemployed, but I'd bet that if they were the hardest working they'd be doing something other than listening to you talk about getting elected in two years during the middle of a weekday.