GONZO

Now that this reputable piece of shit is gone, I need to at least take credit for thinking of "Gonzo" as a good headline before I saw it all over the AM, Metro, Post, and Daily News yesterday. It's always very reassuring to know that I can come up with the same crappy and mildly hilarious headlines that our tabloids are known for.

Unfortunately, what do you really expect of all this? Remember how you also despise Ashcroft (who now seems like a blessing compared to this idiot that succeeded him), Rumsfeld, Harriet Miers, Karl Rove, Scott McClellan, George Tenet, blah blah blah the list goes on. But just as the John Ashcroft succeeded by Alberto Gonzalez episode has taught us, there is no reason whatsoever to celebrate, other than the fact that a pro-torture, lying through his teeth muthaf***a is now widely known as the piece o shit that he has always been.

Clearly these fools resign (W never fires his incompetent staff) because they're trying to avoid a pending shit storm, not because they care about anything but themselves. As much as these people deserve to be flogged and stoned in the public square and I enjoy seeing their personal demises, this country has not once been bettered by the replacement of a W cabinet member.

Wait, I'm getting a vision, and it's Gonzo getting the inevitable Medal of Freedom for being a total dickwad. Why? Because W likes him, not because he did anything for this country:

If there's anything 8 years of W has taught us, it's that shit only gets worse and that problems are replaced, not fixed. The one shining star was supposed to be replacing Rumsfeld with Gates, but all that's given us is the chance to watch W put all his faith behind the generals who toe the company line, rather than the arrogant civilian commander who did so before them. The "reasonable" guy from W's father's presidency is only there to placate the people who were fed up with a civilian fucking up, so now they've allowed military commanders to do so.

Luckily we have another homo-erotic GOP member of Congress, because without that, some of the heat on these fools might have subsided.

Other than that, all we've got is a most awesome wedding of my two friends this past Sunday, an awful Monday morning after, Greece is burning, Bill Maher's got a new season of Real Time, Leona Helmsley left tons of cash to her dog, and I got lectured by an NYU student about how busy he is when I was trying to sell Single Jew's TV to him:

Honestly, it's Welcome week, so there is not a heck of a lot of leeway for time

Honestly, piece o crap NYU Freshman, don't lecture somebody with a job about how little time you have between testing out your neighbor's new bong and puking in the dorm shower. I too was once naive, but the last thing I tried to do was lecture someone about how the most fun week of your life (first freedom from your parents) doesn't afford enough time to go buy a TV that will most certainly be watched for days at a time.