Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Life of a Hobo

So, just quickly on today's news, it seems that Jeanine Pirro wanted to spy on her mobster husband with Bush's Homeland Security nominee gone bad. Whatever happened to that guy anyway (Kerik)? I mean, it turns out he's so shady that he decides to play up the fact that his cleaning lady was an illegal immigrant and thinks that people will really believe that's all he was up to? What about the (insert South American country) guy who mows his lawn anyway? Why no credit for them ruining his chances at chief of homeland security? Meanwhile, we coulda used that guy here in NY cause the guy who got the job instead thinks Indiana has the most terrorist targets.

In yesterday's news, it's probably a little late to be mentioning the fact that Screech will soon be bangin two girls and giving at least one of them a Dirty Sanchez, but that's pretty awesome. I haven't seen any celebrity sex videos, but this one might even be worth a purchase, let alone an illegal download. His manager thinks that it will get him more bookings, but how come no one has covered his sibling ties to Mike D of the Beastie Boys? "To the 5 Boroughs" was more like a crappy album in need of more talent (better beats perhaps), so I think someone should be playing up that one a little more. Sorry to rip on you Mike D, Adrock, and MCA, but I think you know what I'm talking about too.

What else? Oh yea Newsweek's cover titled "Losing Afghanistan" is apparently only relevant in Asia, Europe, and Latin America, but not in the US (that's pretty dang stupid).

Anyway, the life of a hobo (no I'm not in Hoboken, I'd never go to that side of the Hudson, being that New Jersey is the butt of 60% of my jokes) has been fairly uneventful yet interesting. Thanks to one LRod I don't have to shack up with family, but rather the wonderful girlfriend of the past three months (it's goin well kiddos, I even just met the parents for the new year last weekend). I was really worried about leaving the toilet seat up for her two other female roommates, which would have quickly rendered me useless and on their bad sides, but thankfully they have that completely unnecessary blue rug cover for the top toilet seat, thus making it impossible to balance the lower one upright. Although holding my wang with one hand and the toilet seat with the other is in no way optimal, it has thus saved me the wrath of a female staring at the nasty part of the toilet that so conveniently hides beneath the seat, although since it's not my toilet I've actually been cleaning that part. Kudos to you, blue rug toilet seat cover buyer (that's a good "Real Men of Genius" Budweiser commercial right there if I don't say so myself, although it seems that a real woman of genius is due all the credit).

Anyway my two weeks of free loading are up and I'm on with a coworker and his girlfriend just minutes away from said girlfriend in Williamsburg. Paying rent again will help me revert back to my ways of leaving the toilet seat up and uncleaned, but this will still be an exercise in sharing a bathroom with a female. Manhattan, I miss you dearly and shall hopefully be returning on December 1st. My shwarma on Sunday night was lackluster, not to mention my inability to find a dry cleaner without stepping over hundreds of fake poor hipsters on Bedford Ave all pretending to have a heroin problem. That might be an exaggeration, but truth isn't always so funny.


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