Thursday, July 12, 2007


Alright so first of all I'm not positive but am pretty sure to drop the "e" in douche when turning the word into a state of being, but the state of the douchebag union has gone on far too long for me not to devote a few paragraphs to it. Truthfully, as I normally do, I'm just following the lead of this guy from Details magazine, who has got that same douchy feeling we've all been struttin around with these days. I think I really need to go ahead and buy this shirt already:

Ok so now that I'm close to buying the shirt and you may have read the other dude's posting, I'm not too sure if the state of douchedom will ever be solved so much as it is more likely to expand its empire and engulf us all. I put my oversized smartphone on the bar when I sit down, and I periodically check it for worthless communiques back and forth. I even hope to have a sleeker smartphone one day, and that will only increase my douche stock. If someone goes public with a company named douche, that's gotta be one of Goldman Sach's top 10 buys of the year.

I just purchased the shirt, what better a way to invest money from my PayPal account than into this sweatshop-free piece of cotton? Did you know that douches who run sweatshops overseas at least are providing jobs for people who would otherwise not have any? Does that make them altruistic douches, or just greedy bastards?

I think the most important thing to take away from that Details article goes something like this:
"run of the mill, everyday takes one to know one...fucktard (my personal favorite)...the word started out as a technical term for a vagina-cleaning device..."

I'm really starting to like the word fucktard, so much that I might start using it, but I just don't know if it hits home so properly as the original douche does. Actually, fucktard is more appropriate for someone like the Decider. Finding hope in the biggest pile of shit and despair, fucktard keeps insisting we're supposed to watch Iraqis die in numbers that compare to the days of Saddam. Fucktard probably has trouble fucking his wife, so why are we supposed to believe that he can bring stability to a country that used to stay intact because of a ruthless dictator? "Hey Achmed, that douche can't even fucktard his wife's brains out, how is he supposed to stop our car bomb factory?"

I'm pretty sure that's how things are goin down these days, but back in the day we had Lil Bush, and after last night's episode, I officially like the show. Consistency isn't there yet, but I've liked two and a half of the first four episodes, which ain't a bad majority (at least more than fucktard got in the 2000 election). It's a good twist of schoolyard tactics plus politics, and I only wish they'd come back with "That's My Bush." It may have been cancelled, but I can't believe Comedy Central has come out with just one show capitalizing on this guys dismal approval rating. Oh well, I'm sure them douches will figure it out.


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