Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Daniellyn has 3 fathers

In a stunning development this morning and in what I deemed to be too predictable not to be true, as in there's no way this story is going away and it will only get more ridiculous, the DNA results of Daniellyn's paternity test have revealed that 3 different sperms merged into one, as in her mother had more than just varying kinds of drugs traveling with her.

What sounds like a freak occurrence in the balance of nature is in fact just that because this story makes the Don Imus media coverage hoopla look like Mel Gibson on a sober day patrolled by non-semitic police officers. What to expect of this (other than a re-enactment of the triple team on the CBS Sunday Night Movie) probably involves another dramatic judge auditioning for "The Next Lance Ito," followed by People magazine and TMZ never leaving this poor infant alone for the rest of her life, and culminating with more bullshit that we don't care about.

Larry Birkhead, originally the only father pending yesterday's false results, promises to sue the other two penises that touched his during intercourse, although he was too high on Anna Nicole's drugs to know what happened. Prince Valium remains his #1 suspect.


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