Friday, March 02, 2007

Don't you wish your powers were hot enough to kill that song?

Seriously, the don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me song has got to go. It's in Norbit, which must be a horrible movie, and if somehow it doesn't suck, the star of it went crying home to mommy when Alan Arkin won the Oscar instead of him.

Another awesome flick that is sporting this horrid melody is Wild Hogs, which is about four good actors playing washed up middle-aged family men and going on a road trip on their Harleys across the US of A. The previews look terrible and these four good actors are going to become the washed up middle aged men they play if they all sign contracts for another movie like that. I don't recall why they feel the need to play that friggin song, as in Norbit we all know that the fat lady sings it, but again why on earth do the feel the need to have it in the first place?

Finally we have my most joyous moments of watching South Park at 2am on CW 11 when I'd rather be sleeping but then lose all aspects of tiredness once Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld (Primus sucks) comes on, followed by Faith + 1 in which Cartman takes advantage of Bible Lovers and sings about pleasing Jesus while on his knees, just to beat Kyle in a bet and sell a million records.

There could possibly be nothing better on TV than that keeping me up all night, but I went from not tired to simply pissed off when the commercial for "PussyCat Dolls Present the Search for the Next Doll" came on. Sure enough, they play the same fucking song again. All it would take is a quick love tap of the google to identify the awful singer responsible for this travesty, as I'm probably in the minority of people who don't know the so called artist of this track, but I choose to remain in obscurity.

To recap, we have Eddie Murphy playing multiple characters, a tactic that hasn't been awesome since Coming to America, we have 4 supposedly cool hollywood actors (although Tim Allen and especially Martin Lawrence kinda suck) in a bad movie, and we have the newer, skankier, schwaggier version of America's Next Top Model (whose ads were pulled from Santa Monica busses) with attractive women dressed like strippers instead of models (if you can call it dressed); and all of them use the same awful song as their theme, and it is officially driving me crazy.

The culprits behind this knack for picking original soundtrack themes are Dreamworks (Norbit), Disney (Wild Hogs), and a hybrid of AOL Time Warner and Viacom (CW). I almost wish that it was the same entertainment company that possibly owned the record company responsible for distributing the album, but unfortunately it is not a racket. What we have here is crappy executives hearing a bad song on the radio when driving their daughters home from Hebrew school, all thinking that they've got the next big hit song for their generic and not even mildly entertaining movies that they are responsible for having rake in tens of millions of dollars.

I think we have hit a new low when a song worse than Gwen Stefani's Bananas is in three previews on any given night, thus making the Madman mad. The only instance that I can recall being worse than our current situation is when Black Eyed Peas renamed their retarded song to Let's get it started, sold it to the NBA playoffs, and then spurned it out to a million other entertainment related objectives.


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