Tuesday, December 26, 2006

XMas Moving

Surviving a move riddled with multiple stops across the metropolitan area in a 14 foot UHaul was littered with its challenges, but none more so than the 48 inch TV in my parents' basement in Westchester. After nearly breaking my finger as it was lodged between said TV and the cement staircase, Gleg and I decided to pull the UHaul around to the backyard in an effort to avoid having to carry it another 75 feet. Plan B was a success despite tearing up some beautiful blades of grass, and we were well on our way.

After a couchal pick up from the residence of the parental Garnishes, I was given my first tour of Paramus, New Jersey on our way back to the city. Little did I know that Paramus is literally an endless strip mall with a highway containing a 55 mph speed limit running right through the middle. I sure hope I never live there.

My greatest concern the evening before was the notion of driving a truck in the warzone that is Manhattan driving, but much to my surprise it was the greatest power trip I've experienced in the past several months. To anyone who has been pissed off or irritated by the demeanor of a Manhattan cabby, I highly recommend renting a truck and asking them to step up to the challenge. For the first time in my life, I was honking at these non Christmas celebrating Easterners in an offensive (not defensive) manner. Usually the horn is for getting these mofos to acknowledge my presence and to please wait two and a half additional yards before cutting me off, but this time around I was honking at them and flooring the gas pedal in an effort to beat them at their own game...And what a success it was. Although we'd all be much safer if we drove cars like maniacs rather than trucks, the rules of the road around here dictate that the only way to get what you want when up against a cabby is to actually make them fear you; and I have finally figured out that the threat of a truck running into their boss' cab is indeed enough to get them to not fuck with you.

All things considered, this prized UHaul soon became a pain in the rear end. Deciding that we needed to keep it an extra day, Gleg, LRod, and I decided that rather than searching for a space in Manhattan large enough to accomodate the beast, we shadily ditched it in Williamsburg directly under the bridge in a most terrorist truck bomb looking manner that I could have come up with. Come the next morning, not a vagrant found it too tempting to urinate in and not a cop deemed it sketchy enough, so we were well on our way. Too bad the morons at UHaul didnt tell us they were closing early, so when we tried to ditch it, I begrudgingly had to scare a few more cars on the road and bring it all the way to the lot in Riverdale.

In the end I both love and hate the UHaul, but pretty much had no option other than to deal with their bullshit and the annoyance of driving a monster around town. Having not seen my apartment because I was out of town for the lease signing, it was pleasant to know that despite being the last building in Stuy Town all the way by Avenue C, I have been spared with a view of 14th Street rather than one of the power plant just next door. For the next 11 months, myself and Gleg will be the proud dwellers of an apartment large enough to accommodate the chilling of friends as well as the cooking of food in a real kitchen with a dishwasher. Come on by when you have a chance and Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays.


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