Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Festivus and Hanukkah

While Wal Mart has decided to cave to the religious freaks by deterring from its role as the anti-christ and is once again saying "Merry Christmas," I would like to assume the role of speaking for those without pine needles all over their living rooms.

As Mister Lister has pointed out, his coworker's mother (a Catholic) worked at a Jewish day school for many years prior and was taught by her fellow faculty and staff that the motto for all Jewish holidays is, "They tried to kill us, We survived, and now We're celebrating." So it is with great honor that I congratulate those Macabees for creating a festival of 8 nights and 7 days of light when their oil was supposed to burn out on that very first night. Perhaps they have a solution to the world's current energy crisis? Did Toyota uncover ancient Macabee plans for a hybrid candle in designing the Prius? I guess we'll never know, but they're pretty cool if you ask me.

Just in case there is any substance to that theory, Adam's Mad World has sent MisterLister on a fact finding mission to the Holy Land (paid for in full by BirthRight Israel) to see if the Japanese auto magnates (is that a word? I think so) deserve to be sued and tied up in litigation with vicious Israeli lawyers...I sure hope no one breached the ancient Jews' intellectual property rights.

In another revelation, MisterLister has presumably made it to the Holy Land in a safe and timely manner, but we'll never know for sure because El Al Airlines is so badass that they have a really lame system of telling you when a flight actually takes off or lands, presumably because they might have to kill you for asking.

After a Sunday night at Peter Luger's followed by a Monday night at Risotteria, this blogger's stomach has had enough - until hitting a 4th steakhouse in 5 weeks on Friday night to celebrate the 25th birthday of one L-Dawg, the same character who initiated Vegoose both last year and this. A happy early 25th to you Mr. Freedman.

As the stress of finding a place to live has wound down, GDubs and myself will be sure to enjoy mocking everybody else's Christmas this weekend as we move, drink, smoke, and do some interior decorating as the Gentiles slice into their hams. What I did not know about Christmas food is that this is the biggest week of the year for the New York City seafood market (recently moved from South Street Seaport after a 300 year reign to the newly designed Hunts Point Market in the beautiful South Bronx) because Catholics traditionally indulge in ridiculous amounts of seafood courses on Christmas Eve (food for thought indeed). Any Catholic readers out there, can you confirm or disconfirm these allegations? Either way, no one should try to cause so much trouble these next two holiday weekends that they end up looking like this guy:

Although this doesn't have much to do with anything, LRod and I were treated to the awesomeness that is Google's cafeteria last week. After an amazing salad bar, braised lamb stuffed with spinach and feta, some fine orzo, and an awesome root beer float to go, I have decided that that company does indeed have a lot of momentum in its favor. That coupled with stock options that kick in after four years, and I've gotta say that they may set a record for lack of turnover and people quitting. An impressive operation it is, and I certainly hope to be eating their food once again sometime soon.

Speaking of LRod, congrats once again to her becoming an aunt for the second time over. Those kids are darn cute so they're certainly worth mentioning, and I even deemed them worthy of a 10 hour day of travel, which really should only happen if foreign countries are involved (DC might be steamier than Beijing in the summer, although I wouldn't guarantee it). I'm glad I made the excursion and am still happy to see people other than myself producing offspring. Had a rowdy night in Adam's Morgan, despite the fact that a 3 block strip seems to be the most awesome place to be in the entire District, which is quite lame.

Speaking of lame, the cigarette smoke in the bars is a little narsty, but on January 2nd our prayers will be answered and all smoking in DC will be banned...except in the Capitol Building, where Congress took the time to pass special legislation exempting themselves from the laws of society - fuckin assholes. This hot off the press as well, apparently Dick Cheney has murdered Bamby on his front lawn in DC, where hunting is illegal.

PS Amtrak is a ripoff but it was very pleasant, which was contrary to what I was expecting, other than arriving at Penn Station, which blows in every facet of blowing. It's also unfortunate that it may blow a little less when they eventually begin routing LIRR trains to Grand Central, because I have been a Grand Centraller my whole life and fear what will happen once it gets way more crowded with annoying people from Long Island. It's nice that the federal government has decided that the only city in the country that has mass transit for the masses is worth funding, but it still has spent 100 times more on squandering the most basic of construction projects in Iraq so that its personal friends can make windfall profits from fucking up. Let's hope this doesn't happen in New York, but my doubts about the 2nd Avenue subway line remain - namely that they only have funding for 96 to 63rd streets - which means dick to most people. As a downtowner (moving to Ave C), I think that access to alphabet city is way more important than York Ave, but at least the rent won't have another reason to increase.

Happy Holidays and a Fantastic Festivus to everyone (minus the racism).


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