Purple Pain

The lack of uproar over Prince's symbolic looking penis has surprised me, as sitting around and watching that during halftime drew much laughter and applause. Now that HuffPost has linked to Yahoo!'s article about it, initial excitement has turned to disappointment, as only bloggers and others including Colbert are quoted.

This cannot be funny or controversial without James Dobson of Focus on the Family calling for a boycott of the NFL and Prince, and all we seem to have here is funny liberals making jokes about it and sounding like they wish it would have pissed someone else off, as I certainly was hoping for. Apparently Mr. Timberlake and Miss Jackson desensitized these often offended people just three years ago, or perhaps it's because these holier than thou, morally righteous, Jesus lickin losers have been too busy declaring their buddy Ted Haggard "completely heterosexual."

That's right, in just three weeks this man has managed to go from a meth smoking, ass ramming Mr. Slave-like evangelical to now completely cured of his non-existent disease. I'm not too sure if the fact that the leader of thousands of evangelicals living in a Greenwich Village sex den is funnier than the fact that he now has to go live in obscurity with his ashamed wife while they pretend like everything is okay. Either way, he got what he deserves and I hope his followers all start realizing how bored they are, but they should stick to weed and leave the farm crack behind for the farmer crackheads.

Speaking of gay sex, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is demanding an apology from Paris Hilton for using the [gay] "f" bomb at a private party. Proving that Senator Joe Biden is in fact wrong and that many black people are qualified for the role of presidente, the African-American community has showed signs of intelligence by not responding to her additional use of the "n" bomb, as demanding an apology from someone as incompetent as Paris Hilton means that you in fact think her behavior indicates she has a developed thought process and is capable of making articulate opinions to others.

Get over this GLAAD, you have given recognition to a hoebag who admits to being a hoebag and who will make fun of you worse before apologizing to anybody. Just because gay males wear the same clothes as her doesn't mean they also have to take what she says seriously.

On a completely unrelated note, this iPod and walking ban seems to be quickly picking up steam. I may have to refrain from an opinion on this one because the smoking ban proved me wrong and the recent trans fat ban has me excited, but I do look forward to the day when a cop tries to stop me and write me a $100 ticket as I don't see or hear him because my headphones are on. If he has the guile to break my stride, I'll be sure to flip him the bird.

In truth, I did almost once get my ass hit by a car cause I didn't look in that direction and certainly couldn't hear anything because my headphones were on, but luckily for me I grew a brain before stepping into traffic. Hopefully the New York State Assembly won't try to tell me what to do on this one. Perhaps we need a long awaited racial profiling edge to such a bill? Not only are Asians bad drivers, but I find their skills at navigating the sidewalks to be particularly horrendous as well; just leave this fast-walking angry Jew out of it or I'll be sure to demand an apology from the state of New York for insulting my walking skills.